Where Do I Fit In?

PuzzlePieces I don’t really fit in anywhere. With my Asperger’s I don’t fit into normal society and am always ostracized and  am different than everyone else. I don’t fit into either the Christian or secular world as the far-right Christians also tend to be pro-gun, pro-military, pro-war, and anti-immigration, none of which I am, yet I’m too religious and have morals which clash with this modern-day permissive and liberal society. I always feel like I’m in-between but not belonging to either but off on my own little island somewhere. I can’t really say that there’s one distinct group that I can identify with or that I fit in with or fully belong. I am always on the outside looking in, never the same as all the others. I am always a little too much of this or a little too little of that, never fully fitting in or being accepted, the story of my life. There is no place for me.

As well, the 15 YR old is back home from 3 weeks away at Cadets camp and she’d sprained her ankle while she was there and this week she goes to film day camp for a week,too,my mother saw a SmartCar go by, and I saw this car go by our street really slowly and this guy stuck his head out and I swear he looked like a hitman and I freaked out thinking he was going to do a drive-by or something and pull out a gun and start shooting and I half expected I’d have to either hit the ground or run inside the house hoping I’d make it in time but luckily he just drove past! I also saw 2 CF-18’s fly by and thought about the lucky guys who get to fly those and I can’t even imagine, and we had to drive to a store in another town to get corn on the cob (my grandfather used to call “Cattle Food”) for a good price of 4 for a dollar because usually lately it’s been 50 cents each or more and we ended up getting 2 dozen of them. What we don’t do to save $$$!

For the past few weeks I also have this excessive unquenchable thirst and dry mouth, so dry I cough and it wakes me up several times during the night and I need a drink and I’m always thirsty, and maybe when I get headaches when I wake up it’s because I’m dehydrated, and I drink a case of caffeine-free Diet Pepsi a day and I still can’t quench my thirst, and I wonder if it’s a side-effect of my new diuretic or Prozac increased dose perhaps? When I was suntanning it was so relaxing as well it felt like I was floating and leaving my body and I wonder if that’s what dying feels like, the 16 YR old’s playing with a lighter( that he had for camp to light campfires) up in his room and it freaks out the 7 YR old and I don’t like it,either; it’s NOT a toy and we already had ONE fire and DON’T need another one and he shouldn’t be playing with it but he doesn’t listen to me so I had my hubby tell him not to but he was no help; all he said was, “Don’t do it around your mother!” He also said I’m “masculine” and that I probably have a hidden dick.

Just when I thought this shit-hole country couldn’t possibly get any stupider I heard this on the news : they’ve now passed a law where they can arrest people leaving the country going over to Middle Eastern countries simply on suspicion THINKING and assuming  that they’re going there to join Jihadist organizations, even though they might very well just be going over there on vacation to do the tourist thing or to visit relatives. They even convicted a guy and he got a 10 YR jail sentence on ” Intent to commit terrorist activities abroad” just for spending time over there even though there was no proof whatsoever he was ever involved in anything; now they can arrest and jail you just on mere accusation on what they THINK you MIGHT intend to do! I guess I was lucky then when I went to Egypt, Israel, Tunisia, and Morocco they didn’t arrest me too thinking I was going over there to join Jihad even though I was there to see the culture, the ancient ruins, historical and Biblical sites ,etc, or when I went to Russia in 1985 during the Cold War that they didn’t think I was over there to commit espionage! This country is just SO incredibly STUPID and we are losing our rights and freedoms more and more to this fascist Police State all the time. Just when I thought I couldn’t hate this place any more than I do now it somehow finds a way to manage to find a way so that I do.