Happy Birthday To Me!!

HippoBirthday2014(new) Today is my birthday; I am 48. For my cake I got a “Madagascar” themed one( from the movie) as it’s the only one we could find with a hippo on it (I’ll give the other figurines it comes with to the kids) and only the 3 youngest kids bothered to make me cards( even though my mother told them NOT to because she doesn’t want me to even have any cards) and later on in the week my hubby and I will be going out to eat at my fave. Italian restaurant. There’s never a big deal made out of my birthday though and for me it’s pretty much just like any other day but several of my Facebook friends sent me Happy Birthday! messages which was thoughtful and nice and really meant alot. The last we heard from our oldest he was still on his 3 day bus journey back home and the bus broke down and he was stranded in Thunder Bay in a snowstorm and he also lost his cell phone charger and has no food and was asking us to send him $$$$ but we don’t have any $$$$ to send him either as we’re broke ourselves and even have to take out loans now to pay our bills and I had a dream he was in an accident as well and being carried on a stretcher loaded onto an ambulance and he had a broken arm and leg so I hope it *DOESN’T* mean he’ll get into an crash on the bus on the way home or something….

The 15 YR old’s friends also said, “It’s creepy how your mom’s ‘obsessed’ with her dog!” just because I love him, and I’ve still never had Patti over into our house because I’m embarrassed of the mess as she’s this ultimate clean freak that even cleans the bathroom every morning as soon as she gets up and won’t even place her cup of tea on the kitchen table without wiping it down first with a disinfectant wipe, etc. so I don’t want her to see all the clutter and mess WE have for fear of what she might think and say,and I still have to feel sort of “guarded” around her,too, and won’t ever tell her about my depression and Asperger’s for fear she’ll judge me and hate me and no longer want to be my friend anymore.

My hubby and all but the 2 youngest kids watch “Dr. Who” as well and I saw a couple of episodes when I was in the room too and due to it being so cheap and wooden acting( like Star Trek) my mother even asked, “Is it Canadian?” and I can’t see what they see in it, the 15 YR old went skating at a pond with a friend and the ice started to crack and she was freaking out,  and I have these sharp “twinges” in my chest on and off(and I’ve been tired for the past week,too) I wonder is a warning for an impending heart attack and maybe I’ll die today, on my birthday, but I’m ready if so( and I’ve always had a feeling I’ll die before I’m 50) and it’ll be a good time now,too, while I still have life insurance as it’ll pay off my mother’s debts, pay for my funeral and other expenses and give them some $$$$ to work with, plus my mother and hubby will be glad with me gone! I also wouldn’t have to worry about my hubby losing his job and my drug coverage with it, or having to possibly move and they’d likely give Buddy back to Patti if I died but the kids could still visit him(unless they move) but she loves him and her dog is his best friend so he’d still be happy and if they tried to force me to move against my will(and I’d lose Buddy, my only happiness in life) I’d kill myself first anyway but if I’m already dead I’m out of the equation and they can do whatever they want.