Potamus I keep thinking about,hearing, and seeing the name “Byrony” in my mind over and over both when I’m awake and when I’m asleep and the thought occurred to me if maybe that’s the name of my Guardian Angel, perhaps?If not, then I wonder who else it might be, perhaps someone I have yet to still meet in the future? See the hippo picture here? One of my friends posted it on my Facebook page with a birthday greeting and over 30 friends(some who I know in real life, others  just online) sent me well-wishes which is nicer than my own family who ruined my birthday; the 11 YR old by being a mouthy brat, my hubby who gave me an insulting card saying I’m old and should exercise, insinuating I’m fat and out of shape which wasn’t funny at all but insensitive and I almost cried when I saw it; it was hurtful and he’s an insensitive clod( and he never even gave me a gift, either) and my mother who just gave me a box of 6 chocolates( could she spare it?) and tried to rip me off my fave. chicken again, twice in a row she cooked it but “didn’t have enough” so not only did I not get any the last time but not yesterday, either (but my hubby was nice and said I could have his since it was my birthday, and he was nice to Buddy,too,and pet him and said hello because being nice to him makes me happy so it was like my birthday present) and I hate it how she’s always trying to get these little “digs” in at me and when I protest it’s always MY fault somehow and everyone hates ME for complaining and they all gang up on me and take HER side and they excuse her for everything but I always get criticized and blamed for everything.

The weather is so bad a well it ended up the snow melted into thick slush and puddles with rain and freezing rain Buddy refused to go  pee out for his walk and just stubbornly sat there shivering and  I got a soaker; my socks were wet right thru and my feet were freezing so I took the socks off and tossed them in the dryer for 10 minutes to dry off and my mother screeched at me it costs too much to run the dryer, etc. and just expected me to either suffer in cold wet socks or go barefoot and freeze( she really IS a piece of work) and when I told her she never DID love or want me she never even denied it either and her excuse for never staying home with me and farming me out to be raised by strangers is that she had to work….except how about the 2 YRS *BEFORE* she became a single mother, the first 2 YRS of my life while they WERE still together yet she STILL sent me off to daycare from the time I was just 6 weeks old? She just doesn’t understand how I felt so unloved, unwanted, and abandoned as a child and how I was always on my own and have to look out for myself because no one else ever did, how I’ve always been rejected, and because I hardly ever saw her and never had anyone to bond with; she just doesn’t get it and refuses to see it or acknowledge her role in it.

Our oldest was also stranded for 5 HRS along the highway on his bus ride from hell on the way home and late at every transfer and then had a 6 HR wait in Winnipeg as well so after this nightmare I bet he’s NEVER going to take a bus ever again; it’s ruined it for him for life, an altar boy in church said his fave. Christmas gift was a shotgun, proving yet once again that this town is soooo redneck, I mean, you can’t get much MORE redneck than guns, and I researched on Google and it said the twinges in my chest and thumping heart beat is just stress and anxiety and oddly I find that disappointing actually; I was hoping I WOULD have a heart attack and die; it would just be so convenient, quick,and easy.