Nightmares.

Nightmares(new) I’ve always had nightmares about bad and violent things happening to people I care about, usually the kids, but now I’m even having scary dreams about Buddy,too! I had 2 last night: one where we had another fire and my hubby was in the same room as him but he just left him and didn’t grab him on the way out and I yelled at him, “How could you just leave him behind?” so I said “I’m going back in there to get him!” and my mother told me the smoke’s really bad and if I went back in the house I’d die in there with him and I replied, “So be it! I’m not leaving him in there!” but then the fire chief came up to me and told me he looked and there was no dog inside; that someone must have come in and stolen him and sold him! The other dream was even more disturbing: he had been decapitated and I found him, with this red bloody flesh at the top where his head used to be, with this big circular white bone where it was cut off at the neck. I think what it is is my fear of losing people I love playing out in my dreams at night, and in the nightmares they die, are taken away, or meet some violent end, so that I lose them in one way or another. The thing is though at the time I don’t KNOW that it’s just a dream as it seems so real and it’s so scary that they end up waking me up! It’s not just kids that have nightmares and I get them all the time, several times a week on average.

As well, with my anxiety, worry,and depression returning I tried to make an app’t with the shrink to get in to see him but they’re all booked and the earliest he could see me is MARCH! I swear the medical care in this country is a complete and utter JOKE! I just hope I can hold on that long; suicide can’t wait you know and some things just HAVE to be addressed right away, and I’m shocked and saddened to hear a Facebook’s friend’s wife suddenly died and they’re just in their 30’s; it’s unclear what happened except no one’s heard from or seen him in awhile so people who live near him in the UK went to check in on him and his house is closed up, his phone has been disconnected and his neighbours told them that his wife died! We don’t know how or what happened, whether it may have been suicide or not, but I DO know that he really loves her and he must be so distraught. I feel so badly for him and he’s had such a hard time lately….and now this. I’ve been thinking about him ever since I found out yesterday and it really bothers me. Poor guy. I can’t even imagine.

I also bought Buddy these rawhide chewy bones and it had a warning on the label, “Not for human consumption.” SERIOUSLY? I mean, really? Who would even think to chew on this? Idiot instructions, and why would it even have to be necessary to say that; I mean, shouldn’t it just be understood?Duuhh.