First Communion.

FirstCommunion(new)  The 8 YR old had his First Communion yesterday! There were 65 kids in total and they all looked so cute dressed in white and the girls looked like little brides! He wore a white linen suit, passed down from our oldest and that all his brothers before him wore. I joked he was “Looking sharp for the ladies!” He also read 2 prayers during the Mass and afterwards we got a cake from the bakery with a cross on it and “God Bless———–(his name) ” inscribed on it. It was the good birthday-style vanilla with creamy vanilla icing. I wore my ankle-length lace dress with the roses on it and even with the boob reduction it was STILL tight on the chest and my boobs still didn’t fit into the bodice and I had to squish them in; I had actually still wanted them half the size they turned out! It’s been 2 weeks since the surgery now and it still is tender(and hurts at times) along the bottom incisions and I ran out of gauze bandages so now I put sanitary pads there instead as a “cushion” where my bra rubs against the sore spot as I still need to wear the bra 24/7 for the support.

Since no one was at home( either at the Communion Mass or the Cadets debate in Hamilton) I couldn’t leave Buddy running around the house loose as he’s never been left home alone before and we don’t know what he might do(esp. as he did tear apart his previous owner’s couch) so I had to confine him to the bathroom( but I put his food and water in there as well as a blanket, his toys and a new rawhide bone I got him to occupy him and we were only gone for 3 HRS) plus with no one home we had to arm the security system and if he was running around he would set off the motion detectors as well and the police would show up…I felt badly but what other choice did I have? The kids kept telling me how “mean” I am and how he’ll “hate” me now and he was whining and barking in there and I felt so badly, but when we got home and let him out he still did run over to me wagging his tail and peeing in the air excited to see me (so I guess he forgave me) but he also did a shit on the carpet shortly after to get back at us(acting-out) for leaving him….

I’m still bleeding as well, now for the 3rd day, even heavier, heavy enough to need tampons,even though “Aunt Flow” finished last week and I heard irregular bleeding in-between periods( which I’ve never had before) is a common sign of uterine CANCER  so it scares me,and I know it’s NOT a miscarriage as there’s no way I’m pregnant since my hubby and I haven’t done IT in YRS….I don’t want to say anything to “Dr. Dumb-Ass” though as it’s embarrassing and I don’t want HIM looking around up there, either, so I hope it just resolves itself and it’s nothing; maybe it was just an “incomplete period” or something and it’s clearing itself out now? I hope I don’t have to go into the hospital for a D&C or something though and I hope it’s not cancer,either….

The 20 YR old also was telling me all these horrible childhood memories that he has and how “crazy” I was before my meds; that I was “really bad”  yet I have no memory of any of the events that he speaks of, so much so I even wonder if he’s making them up(like he said I flipped out something about me thinking a coconut I brought back from Hawaii was possessed?) and I really don’t remember any of it, but if it’s true was I REALLY *that* bad? I don’t think I was, and I certainly didn’t mean to be if I was but if I was I hope that they can forgive me. The way he describes my rages and outbursts is embarrassing and makes me feel really guilty.

Bruce Jenner also came out on TV saying he’s transgender and wants to be a woman and I don’t agree with all that kind of stuff but I DO know what it’s like to be unhappy with yourself and having Asperger’s having to “hide” who you really are and pretend to be who you’re not for other people so I can relate to his struggle in that way,and besides, life’s too short to not be happy and you should be who you are so I hope he finds happiness either way. I wish I could,too.