Reflections Of My Life.

Reflection  The 8 YR old told me to “Shut Up!” and my hubby heard it but he didn’t care or say anything but when he thought he’d said it to HIM he got mad and thundered, “WHO are you saying it to?”, yet he lets him disrespect ME and talk to ME like that because everyone does (and the kids learn how to treat me, or rather, mistreat me, by watching and copying how he and my mother treat me) and the 12 YR old calls me a “lesbian” because I’m ugly, am masculine-looking, and because I have short hair. These are just 2 examples of the cruel way my family treats me, disrespects me, insults me, puts me down,and hurts my feelings. To put it bluntly they treat me like a piece of shit and they make me feel like a piece of shit,too.

I have been really tired for awhile lately and for the past couple of days even more short of breath than I usually am, so that combined with my blue lips and severe fluid retention(esp. in my lower legs)makes me wonder if I DO have a heart problem afterall ( and I see the Internal Medicine doc next week) and everything’s leading up to a heart attack, and if so I really wouldn’t be surprised. My poor heart has just  been thru so much trauma, heartbreak, sorrow, despair, hurt, and desolation I don’t think it can take any more.

It has finally reached it’s breaking point.

It has had enough.

I think my cause of death will literally BE from a broken heart.

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