Grieving.

Grief Grief is defined as an emotional response to a loss. We usually associate it to the death of a loved one but it can also be a reaction to the loss of anything that we hold dear, incl. the loss of a relationship, a marriage,a friendship,a job, a dream, a pregnancy, a home,an opportunity,etc. and I just realized that I have spent most of my life grieving over one loss or another and that a great deal of my depression is probably due to and linked to grieving. I’m surprised that I have never connected the two before, but maybe if I can one day come to terms with my feelings of loss and grief I can lessen the depression that has plagued me ever since I was 13?

I grieve the loss of the 2 kids we did lose(and that I won’t be reunited with again until we meet again in Heaven) I grieve over the 6 babies I miscarried(that I also won’t see again until Eternity and will have a chance to start over again), I grieve over the loss of my happy childhood, I grieve over the loss of our house when we had the fire and then again when we were forced to move fleeing an enemy that threatened our family and I grieve our life we had to leave behind, I grieve my old life that I used to have before when I used to be happy, I grieve the loss of the life I used to have living in the city, I grieve the loss of my kids now that they have turned away from me,away from God,and towards the world,I grieve the loss of the closeness I used to have with the kids when they were little, I grieve the loss of the happy marriage that I never had,I grieve the loss of a happy family, I grieve the loss of the love and romance I never had, I grieve the loss of loving parents and siblings I never had, I grieve the loss of my old life and who I used to be before everything all fell apart,I grieve for the loss of the happy life I wish for but can’t have, etc…

I have endured so much loss, there is so much loss that I grieve over, so much pain, so many tears, so many disappointments, so many dashed hopes and dreams, so many memories, so much trauma,so much hurt. I grieve for what I have had and lost and I grieve the loss of what I wish I had(and the life I WANT) but never will.

As well, I’m not the only one that doesn’t like the new diningroom chairs my hubby got either: as it turns out the 16 YR old doesn’t like them as they don’t have the “Queen Anne” style legs,either,and the 12 YR old says they’re just hard and uncomfortable on her butt. I think they’re ugly,too.