Echocardiogram.

Echocardiogram(new) I got my echocardiogram done which is basically an ultrasound of my heart. I had to put on the gown opened at the front and the technician doing the scan was a GUY but luckily he had me lay on my left side facing away from him and he just leaned over reaching with the scanner and scanned my chest so he didn’t see my boobs, thank God! He was pressing so hard too I thought he was going to break my ribs and it felt like he was going to reach into my spine! While doing the scan he asked me if I feel heart palpatations but then after it was all done he said everything looked ok and that were no blockages….and I felt disappointed actually; I was hoping they’d find something fatally wrong with my heart so that I wouldn’t have long to live…..but no such luck.So I guess it makes the likelihood of an adrenal tumour the most likely responsible for my symptoms then if my heart’s ok…

As well, my family ordered in pizza overnight while I was up in bed asleep and they never even bothered to save me a piece  and when I found out and was upset my mother and hubby ripped into ME, turning it around onto me yelling that they hate it that *I* always want to always be included all the time and don’t want to miss out, and that I expect them to share with me because I always share with them, and that I’m “jealous” always wanting what everyone else has and that I’m not one of the kids,etc.. and I told them I AM still part of this family whether they like it or not and it’s NOT unreasonable to want to be included and to not want to always be left out( and I’ve always been rejected, left out, never picked, chosen, selected, etc. my entire LIFE and now even by my own family TOO and I’m SICK of it!!) and yet then they wonder WHY I think they suck when they’re always pushing me away and treating me like shit!

I also visited Patti and she said it’s deplorable the way my family treats me and that it’s emotional abuse,and that they’re always demeaning, belittling, devaluing, criticizing,and bullying me and by not saving me a piece of pizza would be like making dinner for everyone except for one person, or buying gifts for everyone except for one person and that it’s not right and that I should just apply for disability and move out on my own, and I wish I could except I can’t survive on my own with all my limitations and I’d need someone to help me, but she’s certainly right about the way they treat me; they are so cruel and to them I am nothing more than a piece of shit on the bottom of their shoe and they are killing me…

I still haven’t heard from my “herbalist” either and I ran out of “herb”(for my migraines) a week ago and the “intermediary” between us told me that he said he’s been sick and should be by soon, and when I go into my room and smoke the “herb” it’s also my own little temporary “escape” from my “toxic” family and my life; a life separate from them,something just for me where I can just float away for awhile….