In church on Sunday a family sat in front of me; a mother, father, and 2 kids; a little boy about 2 YRS old and a baby a few months old that the mother was nursing and it brought back memories for me many YRS ago when I only had 2 kids and when my kids were young, back when they still loved me, when they used to be funny and sweet,and I was happier then. I can’t believe it’s been that long; in a way it seems like just a few YRS since my 2 oldest were that age yet in other ways it feels like forever. It was a much happier time for me when the kids were younger, and the baby stage was always my favourite, even though it was also alot of work,and I can even remember at one time having 4 or 5 of them in diapers all at once.
Seeing the young family made me long for those days, when I was just starting out, before all the traumas and stress, before I got jaded,broken, worn out, defeated and fell apart. They were fun and more loveable when they were little and they used to love me. They behaved as well, and I had it all “together” and was more capable than I am now and was able to do so much more then,too; I was younger, more energetic, healthy, emotionally stronger,optimistic, outgoing, and unbroken. I miss those times and I miss the kids how they used to be back then. I wish things didn’t have to change and that people didn’t have to change.I wish you could just “freeze” a moment in time and just stay there. Now 26 YRS into parenthood and 24 YRS into homeschooling I’m burnt out and “spent”.
There used to be a time when I wanted another baby as well and mourned the “loss” that it was over, but not anymore. Even though I still do love babies I’m done. I know I’m just not up for it anymore physically or psychologically. I don’t have what it takes any more for another baby or to start homeschooling from the beginning and to continue for all those YRS again. I am glad to be at the end of my journey and looking forward to my imminent “retirement.” Yet still, when I see young families I think nostalgically back to the time when my kids were young and remember how much happier I was then.
As well, I wanted to see “The Phantom Of The Opera” production in Toronto but found out the tickets cost over 400$ EACH and even the ones on sale are over 200$ each…that’s just insane! Oh, well…..so much for that idea…who the hell could AFFORD it?