My hubby flipped out on me, ranting,raving,and screaming at me that I’m a “druggie” a “pothead” a “bad example” etc. and that he’s “done” and I’m “dead” to him(I’ve been “dead” to him for YRS already),and that now the kids are doing drugs and getting drunk( He says they’re drinking and posting about it online but it’s the first I’ve heard about it and they denied it) and that I “got them started” etc. even though they were doing long before me and I only smoke pot because it helps my migraines( he says that’s “just my excuse” and how I try to “justify” it) and was raging that I’m “ruining” the family and going into a “downward spiral” and treating me like I’m some sort of meth addict or crack whore or something! He said I either stop smoking weed or he’s out of here and said that he’s even already checked out an apt. and will sign the lease in the new YR and come every second weekend to visit the kids.
I’m just shocked and stunned,and then he screams at me that he’ll quit his job and go on welfare so that he won’t have to pay me anything and I’ll lose the house and have nothing and he’ll “destroy” me and he’s completely ignoring me now and not even talking to me at all,and my mother’s taking HIS side,too,and says *I* should just move out (and that she’d rather have me leave than him) and that he “contributes more” to the family than *I* do and I’m just so sick and tired of them always blaming me for everything, treating me like shit, and being rejected, unwanted,and unloved, I’m tempted to take him UP on his offer and LET him go; then he won’t be around here treating me like shit anymore,and I can always go on disability to get $$$ and have my medications covered and even get transportation to my medical app’t’s, so I DON’T need him as much as he thinks I do and who does he think he IS anyway thinking that I need his “permission?”He treats me like I’m one of the kids. He’s so controlling and always threatening and blackmailing me all the time I do or say something HE doesn’t like and I’m tired of it,and I’m sick of not having any “say”, of not having a “voice”,and not having any control over my own LIFE and of never having any support.
I also think that what’s *REALLY* going on is that HE’S just tired of family responsibilities( paying for stuff, driving everyone everywhere,etc.) and this is just his EXCUSE to get out of it; to leave and walk away,and if it’s not this then it’ll be another time over something else and if he’s determined to leave then he’ll leave and maybe we’ll be better off? I leave it with God and pray what I should do; is this ultimatum and my bad reaction the other day perhaps a “sign” that I should stop the weed(even though it does help my migraines) or should I NOT let him push me around and stand strong and is this perhaps my chance to break free of him and be free? I do hate it every time I have something that helps me or makes me happy he always has to take it away, so maybe it’s best that he DOES leave, and then he and my mother won’t be able to shit on me anymore?
I’m so desolated and destroyed that they both made it very clear that they want me gone and don’t want me around and that they don’t care about relief for my migraines and don’t think I’m of any value to this family I should just kill myself. With me gone they would get their wish and everyone would be better off. They obviously think that I’M the problem so if I remove myself from the equation then everyone will be happy. Problem solved. I WON’T let him destroy me; I’ll destroy myself FIRST. I’m tired of living this miserable life. They’ll be glad I’m gone….the only thing is who will they have to kick around then?
I also took down some of the Christmas lights and my hubby and mother raged at me I “ruined” it and I “ruin everything” and I “never listen” because I slipped off the chair and fell and one of the lights broke….but they never cared that *I* got hurt…typical.
This is goodbye. I even wrote out my suicide note.