My Blog.

HippoBlogging My mother and my hubby hate my blog. They hate it that I blog; they think that I post too much “personal” stuff and that I make them “look bad” but in actual fact I’m just saying what goes on in my life, seeing things from my perspective, letting off steam, updating family members who don’t live near us to see what we’re all up to, and as a sort of “therapy”, to “vent”, and as sort of as a “progress” report so I can look back and see how “far” I’ve come and as memories of the kids and the funny things that they say and do as well. There are many reasons that I blog.

It all started off one day several YRS ago( I believe 5 or 6 YRS ago) when it was storming and I was bored and had nothing to do one summer day so I started up a blog and then it became this online diary/ journal thing where I could write down my thoughts, fears, experiences, life, and bare my soul, where I could share the mundane and the bizarre. It became my own forum where I could say what I wanted without being censored( although my mother and hubby still try) and something that was just mine, and soon I got into it, posting pretty much daily, thoughtfully planning out topics of posts  and photos and it became a sense of “pride” that I put alot of time, thought, effort,and work into.

I also have always enjoyed writing and have always done it as far back as I can remember and this is a way I can continue doing it as well, and my own creative outlet, expression, etc. and I have learned alot of technical stuff along the way and continue to do so and I really enjoy blogging and have been surprised the number of people that have read it esp. considering I stared off only telling 7 people about it, although I don’t do it to “collect” readers or to reach a certain number; I do it because I enjoy it and people can read it if they want. Now and then I get comments,too, some encouraging and some not so nice, but I just try and consider where it comes from and ignore the haters and blogging for me has become a pleasant experience and I will continue to do so regardless what my family thinks, and if they don’t like it, they don’t have to read it, and if they don’t like what I write about them then maybe they should treat me nicer and then I wouldn’t HAVE anything “bad” to SAY, would I?

The Marijuana Clinic.

 

 

 

HighHippo2 Yesterday I had an app’t at the medical marijuana clinic to have my consult with a doctor about getting my prescription and so I can apply for my license. So I get there….but then they tell me that they have no booking for me, that no app’t had been written down for me for that day even though they’d phoned last week and we’d arranged it. Doesn’t it figure with MY “luck?” So they re-booked for next week so hopefully then  it’ll actually get done,and even then it takes something like 3 months to get approved, if I even do, although I should with all my ailments.

When I walked in it smelled like weed and I was tempted to ask if they have any free samples but I didn’t have the nerve. The guy at the desk was obviously stoned and out of focus as when I was trying to confirm that I did indeed come on the right day and that *I* didn’t screw up and I asked, It IS the correct day , he goes, “Ummmm….aaahhhh, yeah….that’s the day!” he wasn’t sure which day of the week it was at first,and when a woman asked him if he had a bathroom he goes, “Yeah, of course I have a bathroom! Don’t you? Doesn’t everyone have a bathroom?” and then something “clicked” and he “got” it and goes, “Oh! You want to USE my bathroom? Oh yeah, sure!”I also spent the time waiting for my hubby to come pick me up by reading a Bob Marley book they had on the table.

I also over-heard as another guy emerged from a back room following his consult and the guy was explaining to him how he has 2 different strains; one for his pain and another to help him sleep, and that one is to be eaten( baked in food and consumed) and the other to be smoked, and that one will give him the euphoria and the other won’t, but not to mix them up as he’ll need to be able to function during the day.  One apparantly had the part that makes you “stoned” removed from it but that sort of takes away the “fun”, don’t ya think?

Buddy84 Here’s also a funny picture I got of Buddy on my iPod: he had crawled into a jacket and got himself stuck in one of the sleeves and I had to rescue him!

It’s also been 2 weeks since my MRI and no news so I guess I don’t have an adrenal tumour afterall,, but rather just enlarged and over-active adrenal glands causing my symptoms, which sucks as that means I’ll be stuck with it(and on meds) for LIFE and the pain in my lower back on the right side is getting worse lately,too. Ugh.

Advice To My Younger Self.

MeAge6 Here I am, pictured at age 6 and below, last April, age 48. If I could give advice to my younger self and warn myself, teach myself, and let myself know about the experiences of my life and of what was yet to come, lessons to learn from it, what to avoid, and words of wisdom that could better prepare me, avoid heartache, trauma, misery,and to change and to make my life better it would be this:

MeApril2015 – You WON’T ever get any better-looking, so don’t get your hopes up. You’ll always be “fugly” and you’ll struggle with self-esteem issues for your entire life.

  • Don’t become friends with J. She will turn out to be a false friend, a liar, a user,and betray you. So will alot of people, but she will be the one thing that will cause the biggest stress during your teenage YRS.
  • Don’t move to L.A. It won’t work out. There’s way too much crime there and you and your mother will both become victims within a week of eachother and will become so frightened that you will end up returning.
  • Don’t go on the “Boyne River” science camp trip in grade 7 as you will get very sick and spend the last few days barfing your guts out.
  • Enjoy your childhood and don’t be in a “hurry” to grow up as being an adult sucks and the best part of your life will be over by the time you’re 12.
  • Don’t fall in love with M as he will turn out to be gay.
  • Listen to your first impression that tells you that C is a bitch. She is.
  • Those rumours about Mr. K in grade 4 being a pedophile will turn out to be true.
  • Don’t ever allow yourself to be anywhere alone with a certain relative because he will molest you and this will last for YRS.
  • Once you’ve been molested and abused, TELL SOMEONE! Don’t keep it hidden all those YRS!
  • Don’t become friends with J in grade 8 because she will steal from you.
  • Make a “move” on G; if you don’t you will regret NOT doing anything for the rest of your life.You never know where it might have gone….
  • Get on medication for depression sooner.
  • When you first meet___________ run, don’t walk, away as fast as possible and DON’T marry him! It will be the biggest mistake of your life if you do.
  • Don’t have kids. Even though you think it’s what you want, it will all go wrong and it will only ruin your life. It’s not what you think it’s like.
  • Travel sooner.
  • Move abroad the first chance you get.
  • Learn early that you can’t trust anyone.
  • Safeguard your heart.
  • Don’t “settle.” Marry for love.
  • When you weren’t sure which one of your friends was the liar in grade 8 it was K.
  • Go to RCI the first time around.
  • Don’t even bother going to school dances because no one will ask you to dance anyway.
  • Your dreams of finding love will never come true.
  • Treasure your memories because once you’re an adult they will be the only happiness you’ll have to hold on to.
  • Always trust in God.
  • You will attempt suicide a few times but you will survive.
  • Your life, hopes, and dreams won’t turn out like you hoped.
  • You’ll never be like other people.
  • Do what’s best for you.

How About I Be Me?

HippoMirror Singer Sinead O’Connor has a song titled, “How About I Be Me” and in it she says “How about I be me and you be you?” and I thought about that the other day when I was thinking about people are always trying to “hide” who they really are to other people, how they’re always pretending to be something they’re not and telling others what they think they want to hear,and how other people are always trying to change you instead of just accepting you as you really are. Wouldn’t life just be much easier for everybody if we all just accepted both ourselves and eachother as we really and truly are instead of playing games?

I can remember a time when I was in my 20’s and my mother made this off-hand comment about how she “thought ‘more’ of me when I was thin than when I was fat” and I never forgot it. When I was 21 I was also madly attracted to a guy( he was such a “hunk” he looked like James Dean! )that liked me as a friend but he always kept criticizing me and trying to change me, by always telling me I should “fix myself up” and trying to set me up with his friends,and that I should “be more feminine” but then another friend remarked, “But that wouldn’t be you” and he was right. I also found myself trying to please him by doing or saying things that I thought he’d like and that he wanted to hear to impress him so that he’d like me but it didn’t work anyway and it was demeaning and humiliating and it wasn’t really me and it felt deceptive and I was betraying myself as well.

I tried to convince myself as well that I’m now no longer that pathetic geeky loser that was bullied in Jr. High; that I’m not that same girl anymore, that I’m not her….but then I realized that I still AM……but that there’s also nothing’s WRONG with that…..the fault lays with the bullies….that’s ME and there’s NOTHING WRONG with being me! I’m the way God MADE me and intended me to BE, “warts” and all, and God doesn’t make junk and He doesn’t make mistakes.God LOVES me! I am “Fearfully and wonderfully made”. Even though I have a myriad of issues(and my family blames me and hates me for) it’s a part of me and who I am and what makes me, me,and I SHOULDN’T have to “apologize” for that, or be made to feel guilty, ashamed, have to hide it, or pretend to be something else.If other people don’t like it or can’t deal with it then that’s their problem and they can just kiss my ass.

Sinead has it right: How about I be me and you be you? Everyone should just be themselves!

As well, I heard a funny new insult: “F*ckwhistle”…..gotta love it….it’s up there with “Twat waffle”, and my mother said for my medical marijuana I should get it in pill form but that’ll take all the “fun” out of it and it’s to help my migraines but why NOT *enjoy* it,TOO? Why can’t I have BOTH? That’s like telling someone when having sex with their husband “DON’T have an orgasm; you have to DO it…..but DON’T enjoy it!!!”…..Duh!