The Escape Room.

EscapeRoom My hubby and the kids went to an “Escape Room”. They choose a room in this place and they get locked in with a set of clues and a safe and other “tools” and they have to work together as a team within a certain set period of time( an HR) to find their way out or they “die”. The good news was that they did figure out all the clues….but the bad news is that they didn’t in time( it was just a bit over the allotted time) so they ended up “murdered.” They had fun, and I wish that *I* had an “Escape room” to be able to escape MY family and MY life; a safe place where I could go to escape, where I could be someone else and live another life.

The kids also took the 21 YR old’s friend from California tobogganing and she thought it was “scary but fun” and she goes back home today and I bet her family’s excited to see her and must have missed her and for Christmas they went to Palm Springs while she was “slumming” it here. I went over to Patti’s yesterday as well as she was home all alone on New Year’s Day and I brought her over some Chinese food. As for my mother saying if I apply for disability I’d be “throwing the kids to the wolves” and putting the family at “risk” exposing them to gov’t agencies Patti said it’s their OWN doing since they’re the ones that said they want me out,and they can’t have it both ways!

My mother also rubbed it in telling me that she over-heard the 17 YR old praying aloud, “Please don’t let PAPA leave…” and noted he never said anything about not letting ME leave or not letting ME commit suicide, and she also sneers that I “only told Patti MY ‘side’ of the story” and not what *I* “do” to THEM( what? standing UP for myself when they belittle and demean me?) and Patti said she doesn’t need to hear anyone’s side, that she “sees a friend that’s hurting, sad, lonely, and suicidal, and got that way for a reason.” She said my family “brainwashes” me as well to make me think I’m worthless and that they “don’t give two shits” about me and  I shouldn’t even tell them my plans or even bother talking to them at all!

I wish I *COULD* move out, but I know I can’t make it on my own with no job or life skills(even if I did get disability) with my limitations,and I couldn’t move in with Patti as she’s a neat-freak and I’d drive her crazy, and disability is only 1800$ a month so all I could afford is to live in the ghetto and I DON’T want to live there, where I’d be too scared to even leave my apartment for fear I’d get shot or something! I’m just hoping that maybe this will be a wake-up call for my family to realize how serious this is and how if affects me and that hopefully they’ll start treating me better…..Patti says my toxic environment is like having an allergy to cats and as long as I live in a houseful of cats I’m going to be sick, but as soon as I leave the cat-filled house and move into another cat-free place with fresh air I will be healthy.

2016 is a new YR so I am hoping it will also be a new start. I always still have suicide as my back-up plan( and I’ve saved my suicide note just in case…) but there’s no “rush.” I will wait awhile and see what God has planned…