Put Your Mask On First.

OxygenMask You know how they always say on an airplane if the cabin pressure is compromised and the oxygen masks are deployed that the adults are to put on their own masks FIRST, before they put on their child’s masks, even though it goes against all their natural instincts as parents who naturally want to protect their child’s needs before their own? Well, the reasoning is that if you are incapacitated you will be in no condition to be able to help your child. You have to have YOUR wits about you before you can be of any use to anyone else.

Yourself(new) Then so the very SAME reasoning should go in all other aspects of life; you have to take care of yourself first or you aren’t going to be any good for anyone else, incl. your own family.

Yet…..

That doesn’t apply in MY family.

Every time I try to do something for me, to “treat” myself, every time *I* have a need, a want, a concern, want to be heard, have a “voice”, have a vote, do something  for myself, have a break,etc. they say I’m “lazy”, “selfish”, “only think about myself”,”greedy”, etc. You get the idea.I’m always belittled and criticized and everything’s always MY fault. I’m NOT “allowed” to take time off, to have needs, to relax, to indulge, to “recharge” my batteries, to have a vacation, to loaf around, to splurge, to think about myself or my needs,to do or buy something for me, etc.

How can I be the best mother to my family that I can be though if I don’t look after myself first…..or if they don’t “LET” me look after myself?

Then they wonder WHY I’m always so burned-out, so depressed, so deflated, so fed-up, and why I hate my life and want out of this family. They don’t see that always being treated like a Second Class citizen and always coming last and not having any value or worth in your own family takes it’s toll, and yet whenever I try to have an “escape” and do something that makes ME happy or that *I* enjoy they always find a way to tear me down and take it away from me.

My panic attacks are also getting worse and more frequent. I even started to have one in church yesterday too just because there was a cute guy standing next to me in the line for Communion and my heart was racing and I was hyperventilating and could hardly breathe and it felt like I was either going to have a heart attack, a seizure, or pass out.