Manic.

Manic With my Bipolar Disorder I switch from “Manic” phases and depression” and back and forth again, but for the most part it’s the depression, but at times I have the “manic” period, which lasts for days at a time, and that’s what I’m going thru right now. I’ve actually noticed 2 distinct kinds of “manic” States: one( the kind I like but rarely seem to have…..doesn’t it figure?) where I’m upbeat, happy, feel “bubbly”, outgoing, hopeful,optimistic,and energetic…..and the kind I have right now where I’m all  still “wound up” and going on “fast-forward” although not in a “productive” or cheerful way: I have insomnia and I lay there in bed for HRS unable to sleep, with thoughts wildly racing thru my head, everything’s moving at a fast, break-neck speed; I even talk fast, rambling on a mile a minute(people actually think I’m “high”) and I’m fidgety and agitated and can’t keep still; I’m nervous and “twitchy” and my leg is constantly shaking in nervous energy.I’m like those ADHD kids, bouncing off the walls.

When I’m in my depressed state( which is like some 90 % of the time)I’m lethargic, gloomy, feel like I have a dark cloud hanging over me, I’m suicidal, feel hopeless, lost, bereft, alive but not living, etc. I’ve been in treatment and am on medication for YRS but it’s not a “cure” by any means; it’s a life-long struggle; a DAILY struggle, and some days are better, some days are worse. One day at a time. Every day I’m still here is a success.

Like Jimi Hendrix said, “Manic-Depression is a frustrating mess….”