I’m writing this experience about what it was like when I was “high” today.I wrote down notes at the time so I wouldn’t forget. I had this weird experience that I’ve had a few times before where just mere seconds before something happens I actually SEE it happening a few seconds BEFORE it actually happens and then seconds later it actually DOES happen, and exactly how I just “saw” it seconds earlier, and in this case I heard the 14 YR old call the 8 YR old, “Wake up, Butt-face!” and then I heard a certain song playing….exactly as I had “seen” and “heard” mere seconds before! It’s the freakiest thing and my theory is that when I’m “high” I access deep into an area of my brain that functions in a different realm, one that’s on the same frequency as one might have what you’d call a “Sixth Sense”, and that’s in-between conscious and unconscious and,in fact,sort of like a dream-state but awake, at the time I knew and could feel that I wasn’t really “there”; it felt like I had “left” my body and was “floating” yet at the same time also aware that I WAS being “anchored”, sort of like how a helium balloon is prevented from floating off being held down by a sand bag, or how a ship’s anchor stops it from sailing off.
I was unsure which “state” of being I was in and told myself that I was “Either ‘high’ or in-between consciousness” and was also aware that the 14 YR old had come into the room but at the time it appeared that action kept repeating over and over in a “loop.” My hubby also was tearing into me accusing me of smoking up in the house,yelling and berating me, but I wasn’t; I did it outside and HE had the door open so it must have just wafted in or the smell may have still been on my clothes or in my hair….in any case he REALLY ripped into me and was making a big deal about the smell and how much it “reeks” and my “disgusting drugs” and how I’m “Proud” of my weed, etc. even though I DID everything like HE wanted and like he asked; I went thru all the legal channels and got medical marijuana; I got a prescription and have my license and it’s all legal and I don’t smoke it in the house…yet he STILL hassles and belittles me about it(I think just another reason for him to put me down), and as always he has to try and take away or ruin everything that I like or that helps me( it helps my migraines) and it just gets me so MAD the demeaning way he treats me and I figure if he leaves it’s NOT the end, but a new beginning, and I know what he’s doing; I think he WANTS out and this just gives him the “excuse” he needs so he can try and blame it on ME and say it’s MY fault and turn the kids against me when really HE just wants OUT of family life and this way he can try to “justify” it.He’s ALWAYS hated me and everything about me even *before*, this is nothing new and nothing different; he’s just using it an excuse and as “ammunition” against me!
He also said that I’m “narrow-minded” because I don’t know anything about redneck stuff but I told him it doesn’t make me narrow-minded; it just means that I’m NOT white-trash(and I’m GLAD!), and in any case, I’d rather BE narrow-minded than be a dumb redneck(like he is) anyway even so! I swear, I DO deserve better than this…..
The priest also said before as well that you can never tell who will make it to Heaven and who won’t,and those that we think are “holy” and righteous and are sure are up in Heaven may in actual fact, NOT be,and those that we doubt would be there may, in fact, BE there, so you never know and can’t assume, and that God reads the person’s heart and knows the reasons why they do things and the decisions they make, and there is hope for everyone.I pray every day that I “make” the “cut”…