I have always had a feeling ever since I was a kid that I would die before I’m 50 and if that’s true it means I’m going to die this YR as I turn 50 in January. I’d think the most likely time this YR that I’d die would probably be in May based on the fact that most people in my family seem to die in May plus May is always a bad luck month for us, when something bad usually happens, and in the past it has incl. our dog dying, a job loss, our fire, our enemy coming after us,among other things, all in May. If that’s true, it means that I only have one full month(April) left…one month left on this Earth…one month left to live…
My dying wish is that I go to Heaven,and that my kids come back to God and to their faith,and that they raise their *own* future kids in it and don’t neglect their religious upbringing like mine was growing up.It will be interesting to see what happens and if I do die in May(or anytime this YR) how and when it will occur, and I would guess something quick(which I prefer) and hopefully in my sleep….the prospect is exciting! It really could be soon!
I also came across a blog post of how a mother of special-needs kids said how isolated and lonely she feels and it sums up perfectly how *I* also feel having Asperger’s and Social Phobia: having a deep longing inside for a friend but knowing I have nothing to give in return(and that I will just be rejected) makes me hesitant to reach out so I remain lonely because I feel guilty asking someone to befriend me when I’m so needy.
I wipe away invisible tears and wonder why I thought it was a good idea to leave my house when I have nothing to share and nothing anyone else can relate to and the loneliness threatens to overwhelm me yet again and the lonely feeling creeps over me.
I would be so grateful if I could just have a good moment.Just staying alive requires all my brain power.