Annoying.

Annoying(new) Everyone thinks I’m annoying. Everyone says I’m annoying. I don’t exactly know WHAT I say or do in particular that everyone finds so annoying…..it’s just me being me.

Me with Asperger’s.

Me being the only way I know how to be. The way I have always been.

I’ve always been labelled “weird”, “annoying” etc. my whole life and it’s very hurtful. Names like that stick and they hurt, esp. when I don’t know what I do to cause it; it’s just who I AM, it’s a part of me, my personality, my struggles, my battles, my limitations, my diagnosis, my “other-ness”, my being an outsider, an outcast, a reject, over and over again.

I can’t help it.

It’s me inadvertantly offending people by saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time but not even realizing it and not meaning it or even being aware of it, it’s me always interrupting because if I don’t say what’s on my mind right away I will completely forget it, it’s me not waiting my turn because I impulsively get caught up with the enthusiasm and excitement, it’s me always trying to insert myself not trying to be nosey or pushy but always being left out and just trying to be included, it’s me sharing my experiences not trying to make it all about me or upstage anyone but showing that I have a shared experience and am sympathetic,it’s me always repeating myself because it’s how I reassure myself…..

and so it goes.

It’s me trying hard to socialize, empathize,fit in, be included,connect, strike up a conversation, make a friend,apologize,and be  accepted but always failing miserably and instead having it backfire and come across as annoying. So what you see as “annoying” is just me trying to find my way in the world, a person with Asperger’s, a square peg trying desperately to fit into a round hole.

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