I think a little stone house(like the one pictured here) might be helpful in the 18 YR old’s healing. One of his best friends lives with her boyfriend in a small limestone house in a town about 20 min. away( they just recently moved) and she’s the one that he always confides in and he just came home after spending the past 4 days in a row at that little stone house. He says he needs quiet and it’s too noisy here. He goes to her place as a sort of a “refuge”, away from all the chaos where he can clear his head and hang out with friends. My mother, the 16 YR old, and myself all think that he might be planning on moving in with them….and sure enough he DID mention that as an option when he graduates school in a couple of months: to take a YR off before university and work (get $$$$ for school)and be their room-mate. He IS 18 and old enough to move out on his own, and if that’s what he needs to do and what he feels he has to do in order to heal and to get better then he should do it. That little stone house is his “safe haven” and I think a vital key to his recovery.
He also said his future plan incl. going to university in Alberta(where it costs less) and moving in with our oldest(who also decided after getting HIS degree in Business and working in finance for the past few YRS that he *doesn’t* like it and is now back at university taking electrical engineering) and that he wants to get a degree in either Biology or Chemistry and then go into Medicine, and his back-up plan( if that one doesn’t pan out) is to get a degree in Electrical or Chemical Engineering. It’s hopeful and encouraging to hear him talk about the future and to know that he’s thinking ahead and has plans….it was starting to look up…..but then later in the day he was self-harming again: he punched a brick wall and now his knuckles are all scabbed and bleeding and bandaged( he’s lucky he didn’t break his hand) and when I probed him and asked him why he was mad, to get him to talk about his feelings he just told me to “f*ck-off” and said he was over it and ok now but it concerns me that he’s still hurting himself. He also doesn’t know it but I pray for him every day.
I also heard on the news there was a big earthquake in Japan so I hope it wasn’t near where our second-oldest is living and working. You never stop being a mother and worrying (and praying for!) your kids, no matter HOW old they are…