SuntanChicken Now that it’s finally warm and sunny out and the temps are in the double-digits I have officially started my suntan season! I’m out there in the backyard every day (unless it rains of course!) decked out in my suntan gear(luckily our yard is secluded and neighbours can’t see in!) laying stretched out on my towel listening to music on my iPod getting my tan! Buddy and I spend ALL DAY outside on top of that; we just love outdoors and we’d live outside if we could( no, I don’t mean being homeless!)With my suntan I look and feel like a charbroiled roasted chicken!

MeSunburned2 But of course now I’m all sunburned( for the first few exposures until I build my base tan) and now I’m all red like a lobster; my face, arms, legs, and back….radiating heat, and stinging sore….ouch! I also had another of those dreams again that I die( this time I was electrocuted again,too) only I wasn’t sure if I WAS dead or not until I found others couldn’t see me and I was able to go right thru them and I was able to flatten myself out and do backflips and soar in the air and at that point I figured, “Yeah, I must be dead, afterall!”I wondered to myself what my family would think when they found out I’d died,too, but then figured they probably be glad.

The 21 YR old also said his friend at work got fired because he’s in jail: he got arrested for selling drugs and even though he shouldn’t be selling drugs I still sort of feel sorry for any poor bastard that gets arrested as jail can’t be “fun”, and when the 18 YR old was self-harming again last night I wanted to take him back to the hospital again,too, but my hubby refused; he’s not taking it seriously enough and he’s tired of it and just seems like he’s given up on him and he said that he’s going to do what he wants( referring to the suicide attempts) and that there’s nothing  that we can do about it,anyway, but it’s so hard living like this, never knowing WHAT he’s going to do *next* or when the next suicide attempt may be, and it would be esp. tragic that he survived leukemia as a kid only to die by suicide later….what a waste…

My hubby’s going to Toronto for work again next week as well so I can go in with him and visit my BFF and I left her 2 messages informing her and asking her if she’s free (luckily it happens to be on her day off!) for me to visit but I still haven’t heard back…..and my crazy head then starts thinking these crazy ideas  that she really doesn’t want me to come up and see her only she doesn’t want to SAY so and hurt my feelings so instead she just doesn’t call back,and I know rationally it’s probably all just in my head and she’s probably just busy but to a person like me the OCD thoughts and anxieties have a mind of their own and just take over choking out all reason……..