I had a dream last night that we were living in our old California house(that’s a switch; usually it’s our old Toronto house!) and Buddy found a black Pug in our backyard so I brought it inside and was trying to find it’s owner and my mother was accusing me of having actually bought it myself and just pretending that I found it, with the full intention of keeping it myself all along. That does pretty well sum up what my family is like though: always accusing me of things , taking everything I say and do the wrong way, twisting everything around, saying everything’s my fault,blaming me for everything,and thinking I always have ulterior motives.
Speaking of which, my hubby really laid into me that the 18 YR old was upset about my blog post yesterday about how he censors me and won’t allow me to post certain things; he was saying that we’re “hiding” things from him( as he reads the blog to keep up with what’s going on in the family and if I’m being “muzzled” then his updates will be getting cut off and blocked in the process,too) and my hubby was blaming me( as always) for upsetting him and “causing drama” when I was just exposing the truth, and both he and my mother snarked that I “never listen” and that I “always just do what I want,anyway” and “don’t think of the consequences”, etc. but it’s probably due to my Asperger’s or bipolar , or maybe I’m just strong-willed and don’t appreciate being lectured and scolded what to do like a child? I’m an adult and I can do(and write about) whatever I want, free from their oppression, and it’s always been like this, even before the 18 YR old moved out; it’s not about “hiding” stuff from him(although I would be mad too if I thought people were hiding things from me,too, which I know they DO; I’m always the last to know anything!) it’s about my toxic family always trying to control me and what I post on my own blog!
I also accidently locked Buddy outside! We were coming in from the backyard and I thought he’d ran in ahead of me so I closed the door behind me and when I called him for his walk I couldn’t find him and the 9 YR old said he thinks I locked him outside….so I checked and sure enough, there he was, pitifully sitting in front of the door, looking up at me sad, like, “How could you DO this to me?” I just felt sooooo badly, words couldn’t even begin to describe how I felt at that moment. I felt like such a heel. I let him in and luckily for me he was forgiving and was soon jumping up on my lap and licking my face and nuzzling me again.