While You Were Away…..

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Following the Orlando massacre in the gay club the hacker group Anonymous decided to have a bit of fun with ISIS and give them a new look, seen above. I just about lost it when I saw this. Isn’t it hilarious? ISIS just having a gay old time, LMAO. When I saw this I laughed so hard I snorted my drink out of my nose.

Screen Shot 06-17-16 at 11.09 AM My hubby also had one of those company  BBQ/picnics/team-building things at work yesterday where they played various funny games and they even made fancy chocolates,seen above. They melted a bit in the car but surprisingly taste good and don’t taste like ass(he’s NOT exactly known for his culinary “skills”, ha,ha)…and guess who’s the lucky duck that got to eat them?….ME! The Hungry, Hungry, Hippo! They reminded me of the time I went to the little family-run chocolate shop in Belgium and they showed us how they made the fancy Belgian chocolates by hand, handed down from generations, and we even got samples, which the 2 boys( aged 11 and 16 at the time) snatched more than their fair share of,naturally.Some things never change…

Sh*tty Mom.

Screen Shot 06-12-16 at 10.52 AM I read these hilarious parenting books I got from my hubby called “Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide For The Rest Of Us” and “Sh*tty Mom For All Seasons: Half-@ssing-It All Year Long” by Alicia Ybarbo, Mary Ann Zoellner, Erin Clune,Laurie Kilmartin, and Karen Moline. They tell of more realistic yet not-so -savoury scenarios of raising kids that the honey-filled parenting books will never tell you, yet they are more truthful, honest,gritty,and shocking.The 21 YR old laughed it was an “autobiography” for me(ha,ha, very funny) and I replied, “They have one about you,too, called “Asshole Kids!” Here are some examples and exerpts from the books:

“Talking your way into a place where you’re not wanted is a survival skill, and your number one job as a parent is to teach your child how to survive.Look, Earth is doomed.One day, a meteor will hit the planet or  a nuclear bomb  will hit the country.So back off and let your kid take his best shot.The four-year-old who can fudge his way into a private bouncy castle  will grow into the man who can talk his way into a locked fallout shelter.Or at least into a packed restaurant that won’t seat without a reservation.”

“Shift the blame:After the exasperated bouncy mom yells, “Hey, whose kid is this?” spring up from your bench and shout, “Hey, what the hell are you doing with my kid?”

“Remember: it’s never too early to start resenting the rich kids.”

“Remember: nick-names should never be derived from first names.Instead, nick-names should be cruel reminders of your child’s physical flaws, like, “Brace Face”, “Four-Eyes”, and “Fatso”

“Focus on the mother you aren’t: your own: a list of her probably crimes include:

-putting you in the back seat without a seatbelt

  • Putting you in the front seat with just a lapbelt
  • – Letting you ride your bike without a helmet
  • – Allowing you to sell Girl Scout cookies by yourself  in the exclusive Pedophile Woods condominium complex

“As the federal gov’t tightens the noose on illegal immigrants more and more low-paying jobs will go to unskilled Americans, English-speaking-only Americans.In other words, your kid will always have work.Those foot-long sandwiches at Subway don’t make themselves.”

“Reminder: Making cold lunch at night is a great way to save time in the morning.But the best way to save time at night is to “forget” to make it, shrug your shoulders, and give them two bucks for hot lunch.”

“Do send your kid back to school the next day, whether the lice are gone or not. Why the fuck not? Some other parent obviously did.”

…..and a sample of some of the chapters:

“Your Children Want To Ruin You.”

“Other People Are Horrible”

“And Sometimes The Asshole Is You”

“You Aren’t Paranoid, Everyone Does Hate Your Baby”

“We Didn’t Forget About You, Sh*tty Dads.”