Screen Shot 07-26-16 at 08.06 PM My fave. colour is purple. Hippos are also a sort of purple-grey colour. For fun I decided to dye my hair purple. My mother scoffed it’s my “Second Childhood” and I want to “keep up” with my kids, but it’s nothing like that; I’m not trying to be “cool” or “hip” or trying to look young; I just wanted to have fun, do something outrageous and freaking awesome. It washes out after a few shampoos….but what I didn’t know is that it completely took out all the blonde colour and you could see all my grey! I look so ugly,too, and it didn’t end up quite as I had envisioned(things rarely do) as I was hoping for more of a lighter lilac colour. Just look at my big ugly face…..so asymetrical; my face is crooked, one side of my head looks dented; it looks like one side of my face is paralyzed, like I had a stroke. F*ck, I hate it I’m so ugly……anyhow…..about the hair……I just bleached it all out and went back to the blonde. Lesson learned, but at least I tried. I took the chance. No regrets. Better than always wishing I had but never having the nerve to try it. Life is short.I have too many regrets as it is.

Screen Shot 07-28-16 at 02.06 PM  Here is 2 of my fave. things: purple AND lilacs. I saw this on a friend’s Facebook and I loved it. The 17 YR old and her friends were supposed to go wakeboarding as well but it got cancelled due to the thunder. That sucks. It would have been so much fun! I also invited the 9 YR old to come swimming with me and he snarled, “No, now shut up!!” and it breaks my heart the way my family hates me and treats me,and I wish I knew WHY they hate me and treat me so badly; what did I ever DO to “deserve” it? Every time I try to reach out to the kids, involve myself in their lives, show interest in what they’re doing, or relate to them in any way they just reject me, laugh at me, or tell me to get lost, so I’m hesitant to keep trying again….

As well, my mother sneered that I’m “selfish” when I was watching TV and I didn’t get off the TV and let my hubby watch it when he came in even though *I* WAS there FIRST and it’s not right to just kick me off like that, and she wouldn’t help me call my doctor’s office either even though she knows I have Social Phobia and it’s really hard for me to talk on the phone and it gives me panic attacks,and she’s been even worse lately, meaner to me and bitchier than usual for some reason, so I had to call for an app’t and spent 3 HRS trying to get thru but never could; it was always the machine(but the good is at least I didn’t have to talk to anybody)saying they couldn’t take the call but wouldn’t allow me to leave a message either so I just gave up, and even when I DO get thru it takes at least a week to get an app’t anyway, I can never get in to see him right away.

I think I might have shingles: I have this painful rash on my lower back above my butt-crack and it burns and stings like a fresh tattoo, and I DID have Chicken Pox when I was a baby so shingles is a very real possibility and a friend who’s had it said I should go get the vaccine within 3 days of the first symptoms to lessen it’s severity…..except I can’t get thru to get an app’t, so II’ll just watch and wait and see…..will the rash spread,and turn to blisters and scab and heal up only to return later, typical of shingles……or is it maybe just something else?It’s NOT “really painful” like they say but I do have a high pain tolerance though….I only rated my gallstone attacks a 6/10 on the pain scale…

The 13 YR old also asked me, “How come all your friends are doctors and lawyers?” but they’re not ALL; some are accountants, financial advisors, psychologists, stock brokers,business owners, etc. and the kids are going on a “Colour Run” tomorrow; it’s a marathon where they also get powdered coloured paint thrown on them, similar to the Holi festival in India.My mother complained she wished people helped her as she always helps everyone as well(playing the “martyr” as always)and I told her the kids are always helping her as she has them wrapped around her little finger, and she said because she “does things” with them and I told her, no, it’s because she BUYS things for them, and that’s how she’s always been; she “buys” people and that’s how she gets people to like her, she “buys” them and she uses money as power and control and to manipulate people,and then to prove my point she brags, “I’M the one that gives them their allowance, no one ELSE does, and if it wasn’t for ME they wouldn’t HAVE any $$$$!”

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