The Scare.

Screen Shot 07-25-16 at 06.38 PM I got a scare yesterday morning. It was already almost 10 am and my mother still wasn’t up and this chilling thought came into my head, “What if she’s DEAD?” She’s at  that age now (75) where it’s a real possibility and since she never sleeps in that late( 9:00 is the latest she gets up) I was worried that maybe she’d died, had a heart attack in her sleep or died with her diabetes or something…..oh, God….it was too awful to think about. Even though we don’t get along and she treats me like shit it doesn’t mean that I want her to DIE…..so then I started thinking how if she was dead that our lives would change in an instant from that moment on….

Then the  fear and panic set in.

That’s what happened with my uncle many YRS ago: he was late waking up and my aunt went up to see why he was taking so long getting up…..and she found him dead. He had died of a heart attack in his sleep. I know the shock at the suddenness and unexpectedness of it, and how at that moment everything would just stop, and time would play out in slow motion, like it did when we had the fire, and you’re just on auto-pilot, going thru the motions, but numb and it’s so surreal, and your whole life suddenly is just put on “hold”and is defined from that moment on.

I didn’t want to have to be the one to *find* her dead,and I was afraid to go up to her room and check for fear of what I might find, so I decided to just give it a bit more time…..it reminded me of several YRS ago when my grandmother visited us and our oldest was little and she had slept in late and we were worried that she’d died and neither of us wanted to go in and see….as it turned out my mother had just slept in really “late” too and she eventually did come downstairs, but it gave me quite a scare and the thoughts that ran thru my head….and how we would all be affected, mainly financially but in other ways as well, and sometime eventually it will happen and it’s a scary reality and not something I want to think about but that we WILL have to eventually face and adapt to.

Screen Shot 08-05-16 at 03.51 PM The 9 YR old also has curly hair! Now that it’s longer you can really tell, but it’s strange since none of the other kids do and neither my hubby or I do! It looks like a wig! I joke that he must have eaten lots of bread crusts.If he eats Tabasco sauce he’ll get hair on his chest,too, or so my uncle says. 🙂

Screen Shot 08-05-16 at 03.54 PM I also saw this and it’s perfect for me. It sums up perfectly my toxic FAMILY.

Screen Shot 08-05-16 at 07.14 PM This one,too, it’s sooooooo me.