The Seizure.

screen-shot-10-02-16-at-07-08-pm I can still remember when I had the seizure. It was last December, around Christmas. It was after I had a few good bong “hits” and I was really high as f*ck. I don’t remember most of the actual seizure itself as I had blacked-out but I remember what it felt like before and as I was coming out of it. Right before, the music on my radio sounded like it kept fading in and out, getting louder and softer, sounding closer and farther away and at first I thought something was wrong with my radio….and then this weird feeling suddenly came over me and I just knew that I had to lay down on my bed right now as I was going to pass out…….and the next thing I remember I was going in and out of consciousness and as I was coming out of the seizure I remember my entire body was stiff as a board, and my legs were out straight, shaking,although I don’t remember if my feet were pointed out straight or if my toes were curled, but my arms were straight and at my sides and shaking and my hands were clenched, but not in a fist, but with the hands facing inwards, fingers curled and facing my hips, and they were shaking as well, and my neck was arched back and my head was also shaking and I remember thinking to myself, “Oh, f*ck! I’m having a seizure!” because I recognized what it was even though I’d never had one before myself( and haven’t had one since) and at the time I thought I was dying. I have to say it scared the shit out of me. It only lasted a few seconds, or what seemed like a few seconds, as time was distorted and moving in slow motion, and afterwards I felt really tired out and I continued to drift in and out of consciousness for awhile after,too, but I just gave it time to wear off and it did and passed without further incident. I didn’t go to the hospital as at the time I didn’t yet have my medical marijuana prescription like I have now,and I didn’t want them to call the cops(THC would show up on my blood test) and I’d get arrested for using marijuana, which is still illegal without a prescription.

I don’t know what caused it, either, whether I just got some bad pot, or if it was “laced” with something, or I had a bad reaction to it, or whether it was just a coincidence that it happened then and had nothing to even do with it and was due to some other cause,like some medical issue. Perhaps I’ll never know. I smoke up twice a week for my migraines( and I haven’t had one since last October; a whole year!) since then and no seizures since(or any other weird reactions, other than getting high at times and leaving my body) although I have had a few times since where I have felt something “shift” and my consciousness start to alter and I thought that maybe I was going to have a seizure but then I never did,and oddly it happened at the times/days that I wasn’t smoking weed!

screen-shot-10-02-16-at-12-52-pm-001 As well, here is a sweet photo of Buddy cuddled up and cozy , all ready for fall, and my mother told me that she also had a dream about a little girl with Down Syndrome (like I did!) who was with her mother( who died when I was very young) so I wonder if was the same girl(Arabella) as in my dreams? She said she didn’t know what her name was though. I was also thinking about my toxic family and it’s sad for me to realize that me dying is the only way for me to get away from those people; I don’t have any $$$$ so how am I supposed to move out or go anywhere, start over, get away from them, be independent( even if I didn’t have limitations) or get my own place if I don’t have any $$$$? How am I supposed to get away? You need $$$ to move, to live somewhere, to maintain your own place, etc…