screen-shot-10-13-16-at-11-43-am-001 This looks like a cracked dinosaur egg but it’s actually a huge toadstool on the neighbour’s lawn next door! You can’t tell by the photo but it’s as big as a cantaloupe melon! I mean, this thing is enormous! They have 3 other smaller ones as well. Speaking of neighbours, the old lady at the end of the street (who I call G.P, or “Grass-Picker” as she’s always picking stuff out of her grass for HRS on end) got taken away by ambulance yesterday,too, and I’d wondered if she’d had a heart attack or something but another neighbour told me today that she’s back home now; she had bad abdomenal pain so bad she couldn’t even move and they said they think it’s a bad bladder infection but she’s skeptical,and the hospital here is notorious for making mistakes,misdiagnosis, and for being half-assed….

screen-shot-10-13-16-at-01-03-pm-001 This is also a tree across the street. I just love how the leaves change so pretty in fall, esp. the maples. The orange leaves are my fave. and I used to love walking to school as a kid on the wet leaves, daydreaming, and making up my little stories in my head. Fall is a nice season with the crisp,cool air, pretty trees, and you get to wear chunky knitted sweaters, and there’s this nice smell the leaves give off, and a briskness in the air, although I don’t like all the rain or the fact that it means winter is just around the corner.I used to love jumping in a pile of leaves as a kid,too, but not when you find there’s cat-shit in them! 2 of the kids have birthdays next week as well: the oldest turns 27 (I can’t believe it!) and the 21 YR old turns 22.

My mother and hubby were also giving me a hard time about watching my TV shows( even though they’re downloaded we still watch on the TV for the big screen) and my hubby snarked I “don’t do anything,anyway” and “have all day”, etc.so I can watch them any time, but regardless of what he might think I do have a routine and schedule and I like to watch my shows early, while I’m waiting for the sun to come out in the backyard and then once it does I like to be outside for the rest of the day, esp. as it won’t be for too much longer, once it gets too cold and I’ll be stuck inside all the time, and I hate it how everything for me is an inconvenience, doesn’t matter, isn’t important, and always comes last, and unlike both of them, I have less shows to watch;only  one a day, sometimes even less, not even every day.

I also needed the 17 YR old to help me delete photos off my iPod as it was full and I don’t know how to delete it and she complained she was busy studying(for her SAT) but I told her it would only take a minute( which it did because she knows what she’s doing) to help me,and she did, but begrugingly, and it hurts that no one ever wants to help me, thinks it’s always such a bother,and I’m such a burden to everyone,  and I really hate it that I’m stupid,too,and I hate being stupid; it’s embarrassing, I always need help all the time with everything, I struggle with everything, my family always makes fun of me, and it makes me hate myself even more!

Buddy is the only one I get any physical contact from as well. I never got any from my mother even growing up; no hugs or kisses or any signs of affection, and there’s no intimacy from my hubby,and the kids don’t even let me touch them, so the only contact  I get at all is from my dog, when he snuggles up beside me on the couch, curls up with me in bed, or cuddles on my lap, or jumps up and gives me a kiss. I just love feeling his little warm body next to mine, and to feel his breathing next to me, and the warmth of his fur, and the closeness of him nearby; everyone needs physical contact and physical affection, and without it you die, and if it weren’t for Buddy I’d have no physical contact at all and that’s just really, really, really sad.