I watched this movie, “The Girl On The Train” and basically it was about this woman who rode back and forth each day on the train and she always saw this same woman in a house on the way by,and she’d fantasize about her and her life, making up stories in her head, and then one day the woman shows up dead….but did she have anything to do with it? She was blacked-out drunk and can’t remember. Could her obsession have lead to murder?
It got me thinking: I always do that exact same thing, too; whenever I see people(esp. ones I see on a regular basis such as weekly at church, although I have done it at random one-time strangers,too) as well, I wonder what they’re really like and what their lives are like,and I imagine all kinds of stories in my head and fantasize of the kind of lives they lead, esp. the ones that seem to be so perfect, or so in love, or so happy. I wonder what they do for a living and where they might be coming from or going to, or who they’re talking to on the phone,and think up all these different scenarios for them, imagining what I think their life probably is like and how my own life would be so different if we could just trade places and I was them instead of me, they could have my life and I would live theirs. I imagine being them, or being in their lives.
So now I wonder: is that normal or just something that crazy people think up in their heads? The things psychological thriller films are made of? Am I the only one that fantasizes about perfect strangers and imagines lives, mysteries, loves, and secrets,etc. for them…or is it just in the minds of film makers and unbalanced people?
Also, then if other people do it as well, I wonder what they think when they look at me?(besides the obvious fat and ugly) What “magical” fanciful life might they think I live? What deception might they see? When they see my large house and pool,and large family they might think we’re a happy family…..but they would be wrong…if they had that ” Big Happy Family” normal scenario it would be so far from the truth. Can they tell by looking at me on the outside that really on the inside I am broken, crushed, beaten, defeated, lonely, hurt, bereft, and pained…..or would they actually think I was normal…?
Some good news as well: Awhile back I found one of the bullies from Grade 8 on Facebook and I messaged him calling him out,and yesterday I got a reply: he said he never even remembered me which hurt me as I’ll never forget him(and everything he did) but he did apologize for whatever it was he did, and explained that he’s changed, and he’s even a Christian now and goes to church every Sunday! I told him that I was glad to hear it and that I forgave him. I genuinely am happy that he’s redeemed himself and that he’s a better person now and not the way he used to be before,and he’s also proof that redemption is possible for anyone and anyone can change. It means alot, and it will really help towards my healing,too.