The Lights.

screen-shot-11-27-16-at-06-44-pm These are our outdoor Christmas lights! Over-the-top, yes, I know. My hubby always over-does it and out-does himself every YR and it gets sooooo tacky it looks like Snoopy’s doghouse, The Griswold’s house,or the Vegas Strip! I bet it’s even visible from space, and that NASA satellites can take pictures of it and they can see it from the International Space Station! They blink and flash on and off and even play music,too, and you can’t see it but there’s an image projected in light on a screen on a wall, but I draw the line at inflatables; those things are just crossing a line. There’s tacky….and then there’s tacky.

As well, I have to adapt to life with my new nails, incl. wiping my ass, opening up a can of pop, pulling up zippers and doing up buttons, washing my hair,attaching Buddy’s collar and leash, typing,etc. it’s a whole new world, but they make me feel glamorous,and  I know I’ll never be pretty and I’ll never be thin again but I can still have funky hair and pretty nails. I’m also worried my mother’s kidneys might be failing as she’s had lower back pain for the past week and hasn’t peed much all day today and her BP was low, but she got her blood taken and sees her doctor next week so we’ll see….

screen-shot-11-29-16-at-12-48-pm I also ordered this “smoking” shirt yesterday online for a Cyber Monday special( I saved 10$) even though it was actually  on a Tuesday but I’ve always been behind everyone else all the time,anyway! The funny thing is, I was looking for this exact shirt in the mall but never found it, so I did a Google search for “images” and when I found this picture I went to the site….and it turned out to be “Rasta Empire”……a company I already had bookmarked that I had ordered stuff from before! I was so high  as well that I thought there was a portal thru our Christmas tree,  and I don’t want to have to kill myself due to a threat that’s returned from my past,either, and endangers me, but unless there’s a miracle and it resolves in my favor, I won’t,  and  can’t live like that,and just don’t have the strength anymore to fight it or to endure living thru that nightmare again; it broke me the first  time and I simply don’t have anything left to do it again.

I heard as well that PM Trudeau is not going to Cuba to attend Castro’s funeral as it would “anger” people and it is “inappropriate” to do so,etc. but it’s actually disrespectful and rude to not go; whenever a world leader dies it’s expected protocol that other world leaders or their emissaries attend and to not go is poor manners, a sign of disrespect and just plain rude. It’s not every diplomatic,either, which is surprising considering our 2 countries get along well.What an asshole.


screen-shot-11-28-16-at-06-43-pm-001 Yesterday I had my yearly app’t with the neurologist. It was in a city an HR away, which also happens to be the same city that the 13 YR old was born in and the same city the 18 YR old had to go to have his leukemia treatment when he was younger. My hubby had the day off(he got from working overtime) and I made a day of it. While there I also went shopping at the mall and I treated myself to a French Manicure at the nail salon for the holidays! This was the first time I’d ever been  to a nail salon or ever had a professional manicure! I even saw an old man there getting his feet done! (ewww!!) It’s interesting how all the nail salon ladies all seem to be Vietnamese,too! The lady used this tool like a wood working polisher, then using like a small paint brush dipped a liquid in a white powder which turned to a thick gel and she put it on my nails and it burned and stung my cuticles where I had bitten them( I’m under sooo much stress lately I’m a wreck and bitten my nails really bad so I’m also hoping the manicure will deter that) and then glued the tips on and then I dried it under a warm light,and then they were buffed and polished again and coated with a clear glossy polish. It took about 30 minutes and cost 50 $ and should last 2-3 weeks and then “grows” out. It made me feel pampered and pretty,and for the first time I didn’t feel completely ugly. I also bought a glitter eyeliner at Sephora.

The doctor renewed my prescription, did a few basic neurologic tests,and I got bloodwork, and was concerned about the seizure I had last YR so I had an ECG done to check my heart( boy and I ever glad that I wore a bra! I don’t usually, I usually just go au natural but figured I’d better wear one for my app’t as you never know what part of your body they might want to look at or listen to your chest,etc.) and is booking me for an EEG( to check for abnormal brain waves) as well but it takes about 2 months. He doesn’t think smoking weed could have caused the seizure and thinks most likely due to something with my heart that caused a sudden drop in blood pressure, or that I’ve been having “silent” seizures all along but they’re so subtle they’ve gone unnoticed and now scar tissue has formed causing the Big One. He said if I only have the one and no others and if the EKG is normal he has no concerns, but if I have more or it shows abnormal brain waves then it needs to be treated using medication. He also agreed that cannabis is good for treating migraines and said he’s glad that it’s helping me.

Buddy really missed me( I was gone 6 HRS) gone for most of the day,too, he was waiting at the door for me alot of the time and sulking under the couch and when I finally did come back he was overjoyed and yelping and  jumping all over me in jubilation and when I went up to have a bath he was whining at the door and even as I sit here at the computer he jumped up onto my lap, wanting to cuddle and stay close by me. He’s just the sweetest little guy and loyal little friend. I just love him so much!

Hippo In Heat.

screen-shot-11-25-16-at-01-32-pm I’ve just been so horny lately it’s unreal, I’m like a hippo in heat! I don’t know if it has to do with menopause approaching or what but I really need some! I haven’t been laid in so long I almost feel like I’m a virgin again and my hubby doesn’t bother with me anymore so I’ve had to resort to a vibrator, and, in fact, when I confessed it in church, I whispered, “……using sex toys!” the priest wasn’t even phased by it, and said he’s heard everything, incl. murder so nothing really shocks or surprises him. I’ve really been going at it lately, giving it a work out, and I was even tempted to not wear any underwear (Go “Commando”) just so that I’d have a dirty little secret all of my own, and I  feel like grabbing every single guy that I see, and all I can think about lately is sex,sex,sex so I wonder if maybe I’m at the ovulation/fertile part of my cycle? I used to keep track of it religiously and chart when I was fertile so I know when to either avoid or when to target, depending on whether or not I wanted another baby, but I haven’t been lately as there’s no need; now I just write down when “Aunt Flow” is due so that there won’t be any surprises although that often comes a few days early or late, anyway. I really need The Big One, where my toes curl and I can see the inside of the back of my head, where I’m breathless,and all I can think of is, “Holy shit!!!!!”

As well, I also noticed that before I used to get mad and freak out easily and often at everything,common with Asperger’s and bipolar, but now that I’m on meds and use weed that hardly anything even bothers me anymore; I’m alot more easygoing,mellow, and relaxed and just go with the flow and now stuff just slides right off me; I just don’t give a shit anymore.Now I’m just apathetic and don’t even care, I’ve just basically given up and nothing’s worth it. I’m not sure which is worse….


screen-shot-11-26-16-at-10-30-am Cuba’s former revolutionary leader Fidel Castro has died at age 90. Americans in particular (and I see it all over the Internet) are cheering and celebrating his death, calling him a despot,dictator, and vilifying him, but others revere him as a freedom fighter and mourn the loss of a great leader. It all depends on your perspective. Both my mother and I, for example, have always been very fond of him, but we are a couple of old Communists, afterall; what’s left of the Old Guard, and my friend A (who’s parents are from Chile and lived under Fascism) does as well. Say what you will about him, but he did love his country and cared deeply for his people.

screen-shot-11-26-16-at-12-53-pm-001 Following the Cuban Revolution of 1959 health and education reforms created vast improvements, and the literacy rate greatly improved,and,in fact, reversed, as prior, under the former regime most Cubans were poor and illiterate but under Castro’s rule most of them became literate, and he also took back land from USA and gave it back to the Cuban people, got rid of American Imperialism in Latin America( incl. their military influence and financial dominance) which is the real reason Americans hate him so much, and he brought forth equality for blacks and women. I’ve always admired how he stood up to USA and didn’t let them push him around and despite a 50 YR embargo he still never gave in and basically told them to f*ck off and mind their own business.

screen-shot-11-26-16-at-12-53-pm One story that I’ll always remember about him is that he was a family man.(He had something like 9 kids) This time a female reporter came to interview him and she had mentioned that her child was starting the first day of school  so he re-scheduled the interview and the next time he saw her he’d remembered and asked, “So, how was the first day of school?” He was always for the people and one of the people, accessible to the people  and did what he thought was best for his country and his people, incl. protecting it from American aggression and expansion.No system is perfect, and no leader or person is perfect, but he did do alot of good, it’s just that with some people anything that has to do even remotely with Communism or Socialism will automatically be discredited and scoffed at.

He may have been a controversial, polarizing figure, but I refuse to speak ill of someone who has died, and I prefer to see the good in people and the good they’ve done, and besides, I’m really tired of all the hate, which seems to have only increased lately ever since Trump was elected in the U.S; the white supremacists and other hate groups just seem to be coming out of the woodwork like never before, with hate and racism becoming more commonplace, more accepted, more mainstream, more popular, more tolerated, more normal and that’s really disturbing….hating Castro, hating Muslims, hating refugees, hating immigrants,hating Mexicans, etc. and I just don’t get it……I’m just so sick of all the hate; it makes my brain hurt!