The YR That Never Was.

screen-shot-11-03-16-at-07-57-pm I was just thinking: If I really do die before I turn 50 in early January like I’ve always had a feeling my whole life that I will, then I won’t live to see much of 2017 since I turn 50 on the 4th.For the past couple of days I’ve had stomach pain, and chest pain that radiates down my back and my left arm, which may be indicative of an impending heart-attack but I’m not going to have it checked out because I want to die and my life at this point is basically just waiting to die anyway so I’ll just let it take it’s natural course. Besides, with the way my life’s been going lately and the undue stress I’m under it’s looking more and more likely all the time that I probably won’t live to see 50 ( and both my grandparents on my mother’s side died young,too, before they were 50 so there may be some genetic factor there,too) and will probably die before then, afterall.

So the thought occurred to me: that next YR, 2017 will be the YR that never was, or at least in my case. It will the the YR that I have still prepared for, just in case, in case I’m wrong, or at least partially prepared for; I have my 2017 calendars, and I even have a doctor’s app’t booked for the end of February, and I have things marked off on next YR’s calendar already,have plans made, have an empty diary for new entries waiting,and there are always plans to be made, things to do,appt’s to be booked, holidays to be planned for and prepared for, church to attend, chores to be done,etc… as daily life continues on…..

…but then one day, all of a sudden it doesn’t. It all suddenly stops. The day you die everything is suddenly interrupted, screeches to an unexpected stop and is put on hold indefinitely and just left there, just left undone, unmade, unplanned, unattended-to, incomplete, unfinished, hanging, waiting, a life interrupted, a schedule and plans left undone, forever  suspended and frozen in time, never to be completed, crossed off, checked off, finished, made, accomplished, or realized.

2017 could very well be The YR That Never Was for me, along with a series of Days That Never Will Be, and Months That Never Will Be. Because you never know and in an instant you can die and everything can change.

And it’s all over.