My Nails.

screen-shot-11-28-16-at-06-43-pm-001 This is how my nails look now. It’s been a week since I went to the nail salon and got the acrylic tips put on and got the French Manicure and they’re still all on there! For the most part of my life though, my nails have a been a short, stubby, bleeding mess as I’ve bitten them(and my cuticles) out of stress and anxiety. Most of the time they’re been chewed down to raggedy slivers, and from age 5 until grade 9 due to being abused as a child and bullied in Jr. High I was always under  so much undue anxiety, stress, and in a  constant state of nerves that my nails were always chewed down to nothing.It’s a way to relieve anxiety and stress, an outlet.

It was only as a teen and young adult( to age 21) that I was finally able, for the first time in my life to stop biting my nails and grow them out long( that is, during breaks from gynnastics, such as over the summer; otherwise I couldn’t have them too long, but they still weren’t bitten) since the traumas had let up for a few YRS( only to return with a vengeance a few YRS later, and in quick succession, many times worse, and many times over, unbeknownst to me at the time) allowing me a few YRS of stress-free, anxiety-free living. At the time I may have thought(and told you) that I was bored but I now know to just merely be an abscence of stress and I was actually relaxed, at ease, could just ….breathe… and I was ….happy. I was able to let my nails grow, with no built-up anxiety causing me to bite them.

Then, of course, the worst time of my life was still yet to come.and with it, all the traumas ,fears, stresses, anxieties,and worries  that would forever change me, break me, defeat me,damage me,destroy me, traumatize me,shatter me, disillusion me, disappoint me, betray me, etc. causing me to go back to biting my nails for YRS, decades, once again. You can generally tell my mental and emotional state and anxiety level by the condition of my nails.

screen-shot-12-05-16-at-06-41-pm Also: It snowed last night!