The Point Of No Return.

screen-shot-12-26-16-at-08-21-am There’s an aviation term used once you reach beyond a certain point while flying where it becomes The Point Of No Return, where you can no longer go back to where you started if a problem should arise, but, rather, you have to go forward, towards your destination,and continue on, perhaps as you wouldn’t have enough fuel to return, or you’re flying in the middle of an ocean, for example, and you can’t turn around and go back from this point onward, you have  to keep moving forward, you can’t  change your mind and go back, and you have to stick with your plan. A certain “line” has been crossed and you can’t move beyond it, and that’s how I feel with my toxic family. I’ve just had enough of their exclusion, cruelty, ridicule, belittling, mocking, provoking, and emotional abuse. It feels like I have reached The Point Of No Return.

I have reached The Point Of No Return with my toxic family. I feel like a line has been crossed and it cannot be re-crossed. I can’t ever go back to the way it used to be, when the kids were younger(and nicer) back when they used to love me and tell me they loved me and show me they loved me, before they grew up and morphed into these nasty disrespectful , mouthy ingrates that treat me like dirt, copying how they see my hubby and mother also treat me(Where do you think they learned it from?). I also feel The Point Of No Return has been reached as a line has been crossed and I can’t go back; I’ve had enough of their mistreatment, criticism, disdain, demeaning,hate, and rejection of me, and no matter how hard I try it still never makes any difference; they still hate me, exclude me, ignore me, and bully me so I’m just done trying, as what’s the use? I feel like I’m just wasting my time. I can’t “make” someone like me. I can’t “make” someone be nice. I can’t “make” someone be kind. All I can do is try but it reaches a point where it’s just no use anymore.Now I just give up and want to walk away and never look back.

I’ve reached The Point Of No Return.

screen-shot-12-26-16-at-02-40-pm-001 Even for Christmas only 2 of the kids even cared enough to get me gifts, and it’s not the gifts themselves I’m concerned about here but rather the thought put into them and the love that inspires you to get the gift in the first place, that someone was thinking of you,and I got all the kids gifts(since I had some $$$$ this YR) yet only 2 cared enough to think of me, and the “weed” calendar the second-oldest got me I’m still not even quite sure if she got it because she thought I’d like it……or if it was mocking me(with my family I can never tell)…and the 20 YR old and 9 YR old also gave presents to everyone except me,too, in a deliberate snub,and it’s just mean to purposely exclude someone anyway but even more so on Christmas! Christmas is supposed to be a time of giving, sharing, love, and harmony, NOT exclusion, rejection, hate, and revenge.

The kids were also laughing about me and saying how I had this “phase” where I “thought I was a holy Saint” ……except that I never did; I never said that, thought that, or believed that; it’s a lie, and now they’re just making shit up,trying to make me look stupid, bad, crazy,and ridiculous, and I was soooo mad at Buddy as well(I’ve never been so mad at him,and, in fact, I think this was the first time I can remember even being mad at him!) as it was really bad freezing rain and I had him out to pee except he wouldn’t…..he was being stubborn and just…refused…..but he wasn’t going in the house until he peed so we were out  there for an hour and I was just sooooo fed up so then I came in and just put him out in the backyard and told him he could come inside when he peed……and right away he peed, the little f*cker….

Then the kids all start hassling me, saying how “mean” I am to “Poor Buddy”(for tossing him out in the yard), etc… so quick to judge and criticize me (for getting mad at him, even though I was stuck out in the freezing rain, which made the street like an ice rink, for an HR as he refused to pee!) yet none of them would ever stand out there for an HR with him like  I did, so they should just shut the f*ck up!! The 15 YR old was being a lying two-faced phony as well; to  just me she purred, “Time to sell Buddy! He’s ugly anyway!” but then just minutes later, to the kids she croons, “Ooooh, poor dog! Is she being mean to you?”

This is the kind of crap I get from them all the time. I’m done. I’m so sick of this shit.

screen-shot-12-26-16-at-02-45-pm I’m thinking of maybe doing myself in again. The suicide feelings are back again. Your heart, spirit, and soul can only be broken so many times.I just can’t keep doing this.I want my family to see what they do to me, the damage they cause,how it makes me feel, and to know how serious it is.