The Water.

screen-shot-12-22-16-at-12-39-pm-001 A couple of days ago we had the guy from the water company over to install a water purification/filtration system into a tap in our kitchen sink so that my hubby wouldn’t have to keep on getting huge jugs of bottled water for the water cooler in the kitchen every couple of weeks. This way(which was actually recommended by the people at the water store) we get direct access to the pure, filtered water that we’d be getting in the big jugs at the water store, the  exact same water they get, using the same filtering system, only on a much smaller scale.We don’t drink standard tap water ,which comes out of the sewer ,so you might as well be drinking water from the toilet!

It took the guy 3 1/2 HRS to install as he initially thought he just had to work under the sink in the kitchen when he ended up having to crawl under the house outside in the cold and snow to access underwater pipes to the kitchen and he also found out, while he was in there, that that’s the base where all the mice that come into our house thru the kitchen pipes come from! He said in 15 months it’ll “pay” for itself, that is to say that it would have cost the same over 15 months in what we’d spend on bottled water as it did to have the system installed, only this lasts indefinitely,and the only thing we have to do is replace the filters every few YRS. This tap with the clean purified, filtered water is for drinking only though and not for washing your hands, hair, body,etc., for dishes,for cleaning off toys, for cooking, to give  to the dog, to fill up your water-balloons or water guns, to water plants,to brush your teeth,etc.and you use a cup when you want a drink,too, you Do not put your mouth under the tap like a Neanderthal.

It was also quite a fascinating  experience watching the 9 YR old playing Geometry Dash after I’d just had weed,too, and all those shapes,colours, and the funky “Tecno-Pop” “Rave” music really intruigued me, and I think one reason maybe my mother hates me as well is maybe I remind her of my father who she hates, and I think maybe also she resents that she had to work her whole life( being a single mother) and resents it that I never had to and that I was able to stay home with my kids….

Another way I feel left out, separate and “disconnected” from my family as well is they all(except my mother, but my hubby and kids do) like to get together and play board games  or cards for HRS, HRS on end,and they have fun doing it, but board games and cards just aren’t my thing as I haven’t got the patience for them and I find them long, drawn-out,and boring,so I never join them, but it makes me feel left out and just another stinging reminder of how I’m an “outsider” in my own family,and how I don’t fit in, and even when I try to “insert” myself, incl. myself, show interest,try to join in with them , be part of the family,etc.. I just get rebuffed, rejected, ignored, or mocked,anyway, so the question is how then do I know when enough’s enough  and  it’s time to  give it up and just walk away? I realized as well that maybe the reason I’ll likely die before I turn 50 is that’s the normal lifespan of a hippo; it usually lives around 50 YRS or so!  🙂

Merry Hippomas.

screen-shot-12-23-16-at-11-20-am Hippopotamus+Christmas= Hippomas! Remember that classic Christmas song, I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas  sung back in 1953 by 10 YR old Gayla Peevey? Well, at the time 3000$ was raised to buy her an actual 700 pound baby hippo she named Matilda, which she donated to a local zoo, and Matilda and her hippo husband grew up to eventually have 9 babies and she lived to be 50 YRS old. Gayla herself is now 73 YRS old, 2 YRS younger than my mother. I think this is just the coolest story ever. I wish  could get a hippo for Christmas!

Oh, by the way, did I ever tell you that I love hippos?

Merry Hippomas!

My 50TH.

screen-shot-12-22-16-at-08-41-am I can’t believe that next month I’m going to be 50! Truth be told, I have no idea what I even want for this milestone birthday or what I want to do to celebrate the Big Day because in  all honesty I didn’t even think that I’d still be alive! Ever since I was 8 or 9 I’ve always had this knowing feeling that I was going to die before I turned 50 and it was always just something that I accepted and then later on as time passed that I also began to hope was true and looking forward to,and due to the fact that I didn’t expect to live to 50 I didn’t make any plans for my 50th birthday and if it turns out after all that I’m wrong then I’m just left with absolutely no idea what to do for my 50th!

What I’d like to do, of course, would be to go on another trip, but we just don’t have the $$$$( in fact, my mother doesn’t even have enough $$$ to pay the hydro bill this month which is due before her pension goes into the bank,and she had to cash in and exchange 100$ of the American money she had left over from a previous trip to help pay  it) so it will have to be something more reasonable, that is to say, cheap, but I have no idea what,although I would really love a hippo birthday cake  for my cake although no bakery here in “Bumble-F*ck” would have anyone skilled enough to make such a thing.

If it turns out that I do live to see 50(or even beyond,although the thought of still possibly living another 30 or even 40 more YRS is very distressing and depressing and I hope NOT!) I would like to have a fresh start in life, to just start over, to be happy and be loved, which, of course, are *also* the least likely things to ever occur, even though they are also what I most desire. I wasn’t always an overweight middle-aged woman you know; I was once a relevant piece of ass in my early 20’s, although even then guys still weren’t attracted to me( even though I wasn’t fat then I was still ugly) but now the chances have gone down even lower, like to less than zero.

I just wish that there was someone who could love me for me,and who could look beyond the outer appearance , my weight,and my brokenness and limitations and still see beauty in me because he loves me. I believe that alot of my brokenness could be healed if only I was loved.

What I need for my 50th birthday is a miracle……

Hare Krishna.


Hare Krishna Hare Krishna,

Krishna, Krishna, Hare, Hare,

Hare Rama, Hare Rama,

Rama Rama,

Hare Hare

I love this Hare Krishna mantra and I often say it over and over when I want to relax and meditate, when I need peace and serenity, when I am trying to clear my head, find my Happy Place, and leave my body.I find the repetition of it very soothing and calming, and since “Krishna” is just another name and form of God I see nothing wrong or contradictory with it. I think that there are many different paths to God, not just one, and I also think that it’s very arrogant for anyone one religion or faith to claim that they alone are the one and only way to God, to the exclusion of all others, although most of them do seem to be guilty of that.God shouldn’t be restricted in such a way; He’s available to everyone that loves Him.

I don’t think God can be limited to just one faith, one religion, one denomination, one belief system. I believe that there are many different ways to worship Him, depending on where in the world one lives and which culture they were exposed to and brought up in. Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, for example all believe in God, they just have different ways of worshipping Him and some have different forms in expressing Him, but who’s to say which one is “right” and which ones are “wrong?” I think that God accepts worship from anyone that truly loves and obeys Him the best to their ability, and that there are many roads to Heaven.One person may find a particular religion is best “suited” to them and their lifestyle and someone else prefers another, yet both are acceptable to God, who is far more accepting, loving, forgiving, and less restrictive and limiting than people are.

screen-shot-12-21-16-at-10-39-am I also saw this when the 9 YR old was playing Super Mario Galaxy and this is what I would like my house to look like in Heaven; it just looks so Heavenly, the shape, with the green on it, the flowers,  the door, and it has a circular window on the other side, and I love the stairs and the flowers leading up to the walkway, it just makes me think of what I’d imagine Heaven might be like and how I’d like my house there to be like.Are you listening, God? hint, hint…..

I had a dream as well that in time I still will find my True Love , that it’s never too late,and that he’s someone I already know, from my past, that I will meet up with again,and I think  the reason I started getting migraines when I was 13 was probably damage to my brain from doing all that math in school; it burned a hole in my brain, and I saw on the news pagans were celebrating the winter solstice,too, and I wondered, why would anyone celebrate winter? I can see celebrating the end of winter, but who would celebrate winter itself? I mean, really! I’d celebrate summer!!

This Christmas.

screen-shot-12-19-16-at-01-34-pm I have decided that this Christmas I will concentrate solely on the True Meaning of Christmas, that is, The Birth Of Jesus Christ. I will spend extra time in prayer and thanksgiving, I will be prayerful and contemplative, and I will not let anyone or anything distract myself from the True message of the season.This Christmas I will also not be pissed-off, grumble, or complain about the crowds in church for Christmas Eve Mass, even though I always get there early. I will just enjoy the Mass and not let the once-a -YR crowd annoy me. This Christmas I will also not be disappointed. I will not allow myself to get disappointed or upset if it doesn’t snow and we don’t end up having a white Christmas. I also won’t get disappointed this Christmas if I don’t get any gifts, if no one cares enough to buy me anything, or to not be disappointed if I do get gifts but I don’t like what I got or it wasn’t what I was hoping for; instead  I will be grateful for what I did get, or that I got anything at all. Lastly, this Christmas I refuse to let my toxic family ruin the day for me, no matter what they may do or say to goad me, provoke me, set me up, antagonize me, put me down,act up, etc. I won’t give in to it; I’ll just try to ignore them and have a good Christmas despite them.

This Christmas is going to be good, and I’m going to enjoy it and have a good day.

As well, I have a wart on my finger I must have got at the nail salon; I don’t know where else it could have come from, and when I look at Buddy I don’t even see a dog; I just see a kindred spirit.When God sent me Buddy He gave me my best friend. I also decided that my fave. French phrase is “Je m’excuse” which means “excuse me” but literally translated would be “I excuse me” or “I excuse myself” and for some reason I always just thought it to be the perfect phrase, just the way the “m’excuse” goes to express itself, I don’t know, maybe it’s a language-nerd thing……I just think the literal translation of “I excuse me” is kind of funny…..