I Made It To 50!

screen-shot-01-03-17-at-08-25-am-001 Well, I made it! Despite having a life-long feeling that I wouldn’t live to be 50 here I am. Today is my 50th birthday (God, I feel so old saying that!) my hubby said maybe what happened was originally I was right and I was going to die before age 50 except now I’ve been on medications for the past 5 YRS (such as for high BP which is alsoheart medication and for migraines which is alsoseizure medication, for example) that I ended up preventing it, but that it would have occurred otherwise. Who knows? Either way, no one is more disappointed than me(except for maybe my family); I was really looking forward to it!I feel so let down, so disappointed, so cheated. Maybe I just got it mixed up somehow or mis-interpreted it wrong; maybe I’m going to die when I’m 50, so that could be any time this YR……either way I’m pissed off that I’m still here!(and no, this isn’t my cake,either,….but I wish it was!)

For my birthday my hubby and I went out to an Indian restaurant and I really didn’t feel like going out with him anywhere( he was still going on about the Christmas lights and when I said I was only trying to help he snarled, “If you want to help then clean the cellar!”)…shut up….stop talking to me…..just leave me alone….and now I’m just trying to avoid him, not talk to him, stay out of his way and avoid conflict, but who am I to say no to free food, esp. Indian food, and eating is  is one of my few pleasures in life so I wasn’t about to pass that up, but there was an awkward silence between us, we had nothing to talk about, and he spent most of the time  looking down at his phone reading an online story, and he made sure that we were purposely hidden away in a corner, away from view as I was wearing my fave. weed shirt( he hates it but I like it and I’m a grown woman and I’ll wear what I like) and he was embarrassed  and didn’t want anyone to see,  but at least the food was good, I had Tandoori chicken, basmati rice, samosa,and a mango lassi and so my tummy is happy and full and if I die today exactly on my 50th birthday at least I had a good last meal!