I have always settled my entire life.Settled for less. Less than I wanted, less than I’d hoped for, less than I expected, less than I deserve, less than I should have, less than I need, less than I dreamed, less than I like, less than I desire, just always ……less. Second-class, less-than, inferior, not what I want, incomplete, half-assed, good enough, ok for now, better than nothing, as good as I’m going to get, the best that I can hope for, this or nothing, all I can achieve, maybe even all I deserve, but not really what I truly want.
and I’m tired of it.
I’ve decided from now on to not settle any more. I’m going to just hold off and wait, no matter how long it takes, for what I want, for the right thing and the right people to come along, for my life to go the way I want it to, and if I ever am fortunate enough ever in the future to meet The One I’m not going to settle ever again. I’m going to make sure that I only marry someone that I love. That’s right for me. That loves me and treats me right. I’m not going to settle for someone who’s just a friend because it’s comfortable, even though I’m not in love with him and not attracted to him. I’m not going to settle for someone just because he’s a “nice guy” if I don’t love him. I’m not going to settle for someone just because he’s the first(or in this case, the second) or the only guy that’s interested in me. I’m not going to settle for someone because they have a good job, make good money,or because we might have a few things in common, or because I’m desperate to leave my toxic family……not unless I love him and I know without a doubt that he’s The One. I’m sick of always having to settle. I’m done settling. I’m not going to settle anymore. I’m going to wait for what’s best and not short-change myself all the time. I think I deserve that.I’ll probably end up alone but I’m done settling.
As well, it was really cold so I took a chance and plugged in the electric blanket to warm up…..and it was ok; no issues, so it wasn’t the blanket that shocked me; I’d had another seizure afterall instead, so the good news is at least the blanket’s ok, but the bad news is I’m having seizures for some reason, so do I have epilepsy, or perhaps a brain tumour, or maybe even cancer that’s spread to my brain? Or maybe some other medical issue causing it, but I wonder what it is?So the mystery continues…..