My Old House.

torontohouseours I had my recurring dream again that I moved back to my old Toronto house(pictured here) only this time I ended up regretting it and wishing that I’d hadn’t, exactly what did happen when we moved to L.A and ended up coming back! In this version of the dream I’d moved back, only this time with my family and our current furniture(as opposed to the furniture my mother and I had while I was growing up there) and then I’d realized that it wasn’t the same. Things were different. Times had changed. It was no longer the same wallpaper, the same carpet, and they’d painted the porch different colours, the shingles were a different colour, and the windows were different, it wasn’t the same anymore, and I also realized that the livingroom was only half the size of where we’d left, and the yard‘s so tiny, all our furniture didn’t fit,and the house is so small……this wasn’t such a good idea….this was my dream…it had happened so many times in my dreams and here it was happening for real… ..but….what was I thinking? I had regretted moving back as it wasn’t what it used to be, what I’d expected, hoped for, built up in my mind, looked forward to, or dreamed about,wished for, for so long, and now I was sorry. I had dreamed about it for so long and then when it finally did happen I was let-down and disappointed, and regretted it and wished that I hadn’t. That’s how  feel about most of my life.Getting married and having kids, would be BIG examples.The story of my LIFE.

I think I finally decoded the dream and what it means!

Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.

I also heard on a TV show my mother was watching, “I’f you’re going thru hell, keep going” and it stuck with me how much it really applies to me and my life,and I also had a “revelation” that I am my own worst enemy and own worst critic and that I deserve happiness and should allow myself to be happy  and just let myself be happy. Guess who also decided to finally drop off the notice ( but not the parcel obviously since I already picked it up yesterday!) about my cannabis oil delivery telling me to come and pick up my parcel at the post office(even though I already had it because I picked it up yesterday)? Canada Post!…..and guess what? They just left the notice without  ever ringing the doorbell. So that’s twice now. 2 days in a row. ….plus a day late and no to-door delivery.

F*ck ’em!

Suck it, Canada Post!