The Parka.

screen-shot-01-30-17-at-08-33-am I noticed that my Canada Goose parka (like the one pictured here) was missing, that it wasn’t hanging on the coat rack like it always is and I just froze in fear and panicked, with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Someone stole it! I’ve been robbed! I thought someone had come into the house and grabbed my parka and taken it, esp. as I’d heard on the news recently that someone had stolen expensive fur coats and Canada Goose parkas from a synagogue and a coat check at a club! I just felt so violated……..so…..sick, and it was so expensive,too, over 800$ and that was back when I had $$$$; I’d never be able to buy another one again and replace it, and I wouldn’t have a winter coat,either!(and it’s the warmest coat ever!) I was just so distraught, but then the thought occurred maybe the 22 YR old took it esp. since he’s notorious for always taking my stuff without asking(my Crocs, my flip-flops, etc.) so I phoned to check but never got a reply back,so there I was , sick with worry and dread, not knowing if he’d borrowed it or not, or if it really was stolen(and I’d have to call the police) for 2 HRS until he finally came home…….thankfully he was wearing it; he just casually shrugged, “It’s cold  out!” and tossed me the coat. What a relief! I was so worried it really was gone for good, and,of course, then my hubby started making fun of me for even thinking it was stolen, because he always pokes fun at all my anxieties, fears, worries, insecurities, phobias, etc. because he’s an asshole like that; instead of trying to comfort me, support me, reassure me, or calm me, he plays into my fears and anxieties, fueling them,creating them, magnifying them, ridiculing them,feeding them,and provoking them.

Speaking of theft, I remember many YRS ago when my hubby’s car was broken into and the thief stole a bunch of his music cassette tapes, all of them except for the redneck country music ones, so even the thief has some standards and good taste in music, and my hubby and the 15 YR old were also trying to goad me by saying that the 22 YR old( and not me) is Buddy’s favourite, even though I actually am(and it’s obvious); he’s my dog and he loves me the most( he’s probably his second favourite and only goes with him because he has food!) and he’s the only one that loves me yet they won’t even let me have that and even try to take that away from me, stripping me of all love, dignity, happiness,joy, and respect. Why do they enjoy hurting me so much? Why are they so mean?

As well. my mother was helping the 9 YR old with his math( the 17 YR old used to but he kept being mean to her, incl. calling her a retard and saying “I’m going to kill you!” so she stopped,and I can’t do it as I can’t do math) and he was mean to her,too, despite her bragging how he wouldn’t be mean to her ( but he’s just a bratty kid; he’s like that to everyone because I’m the only one who ever disciplines him but when I do my hubby and mother always over-rule me) so she went up to her room and cried, and when I said “I hope she doesn’t kill herself or something!” my hubby smirked to me, “That’s your job!” (to commit suicide) and we were arguing too about my support of refugees; he said we should “look after our own first” and I said we should look after whoever has the greatest need, no matter where they come from, and fleeing war with nothing but the clothes on your back would qualify as the greater need.

I also noticed that the right side of my face is crooked and droopy! My mouth, lip,and the groove between my nose and lip on the right side is crooked and my right eye also droops and is often watery,and the thought occurred to me: I wonder if that time when I had that seizure awhile ago and I thought I was being electrocuted by the electric blanket if maybe I was actually having a stroke? Could it have perhaps maybe been a small stroke? Why else  is  just the one side of my face lop-sided? Great….just great….now I’m more ugly! I saw the movie Lala Land as well and the scene where the guy and girl were dancing up in the sky reminded me of dreams I’ve had where I’m doing the exact same thing; dancing with a handsome stranger up in the sky, and I’ve also experienced on a “trip” high on weed,too, and I was mentioning how the production  Stomp looks good and my hubby made some snide comment about it and I told him, “You just don’t understand art!”( because he’s uncultured) and he goes, “I just like to make fun of it!” He always like to make fun of, belittle,and put down everything and anything that I like though, incl. Reggae; he calls it my “druggie” and “stoner” music, when in reality most Reggae is very spiritual,praising Jah( God), but he’s just ignorant.

Turn your pain into art.

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