April.

screen-shot-02-26-17-at-08-38-am Guess what I’ve been doing for the past few days? Waiting for and watching for April the giraffe to have her baby! Me, along with some 20 million other people are following the live stream online from the Animal Adventure Park in New York as she awaits the birth of her 4 th calf.(baby giraffes, like hippos,are called calves)She’s 15 YRS old and her “husband” Oliver is only 5 YRS old( a younger man! woo-hoo!) and giraffes are pregnant for 15 months! (hippos are for 8 months)Holy shit! and can be in labour for 10 days,and I thought my 24 HR labour (and 4 days over-due)with my first child was long! The babies are born front hooves first, followed by the snout(whereas hippos are born tail first), and are 6 feet tall and weigh 150 pounds at birth and start to walk right away and are born with their eyes open, unlike puppies and kittens whose eyes don’t open until they are around 2 weeks old.Hippos also weigh 150 pounds and have their eyes open at birth and walk right away.

So far, nothing yet; no baby. Some people sit there and watch for HRS, but I just go back and forth and check in. Giraffes apparantly lead very boring,dull lives; all they do is pace back and forth and stand around,and I guess so do I, since I’m staring at my computer screen for days waiting for a giraffe to give birth, so what can I say? I have no life,either.  The 15 YR old loves giraffes, like how I love hippos, and the more I look at April, I see truly what a beautiful animal she is and how magnificent giraffes really are, but of course I still like hippos more. I was thinking too: wouldn’t it be funny if she really wasn’t even prego and it’s actually just a social experiment, like a university Sociology class or something conducting an experiment to see how many people they can get to watch and how long they’ll hang on before they finally give up,and there’s someone laughing their ass off somewhere at all of us waiting and watching for a baby that will never actually arrive?

As well, the 17 YR old was at Niagara Falls all weekend with Cadets, and I went online to get my blood work results and everything’s normal except for the kidney function test,which shows I have mild kidney failure, likely caused by my high BP (even though I’m on medication for it) or my migraine medication which can cause kidney damage but I see the internal medicine doctor this week so he’ll decide what we do from here and I expect I’ll have to take my failing kidneys in for further testing….

My friend P also turned 50 and for her milestone birthday her boyfriend’s taking her on a cruise( and they just went to Mexico over Christmas,too!) and I got nothing special for my 50th but no one loves me and my family sucks, and in church yesterday my fave. priest was there so I went to Confession to prepare for Lent which starts this week, and there was this little kid sitting 3 rows ahead of me,too,and he kept  turning around and staring at me, probably thinking, I wonder if that’s a man or a woman? and Man, is she ever ugly! and the priest and in the bulletin they were asking us to donate more$$ as well even though the Church is rich and it made me feel bad because I’m so poor and I hardly even have $$$ to buy clothes or much of anything yet I still tithe 10% of my income yet it’s still not enough…

I’m also like that Ozzy Osbourne song Dreamer, ” I’m a dreamer, I dream my life away…” and I’m still hoping that one day my Prince will come, and maybe some day life will be worth living again if someone loves me.

Raw Birth.

screen-shot-02-25-17-at-01-23-pm Here are some pretty amazing birth photos from BoredPanda from a birth photo competition that show the raw power and emotion of birth. They capture the journey of bringing forth new life and the anticipation, pain, strength, exhaustion,endurance, love, support, bonding, relief, joy,elation, emotion,and  wonder of the miracle of birth.

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Trust.

screen-shot-02-24-17-at-06-41-pm I was watching an episode of The Blacklist and the main character, Reddington, had been poisoned,and discovered that it appears that it was his right-hand man ,and most trusted confidante that did it,and it reminded me of what it feels like to be deeply betrayed by someone that you trust and that’s close to you,and how that it usually are the ones that are closest to you that end up being the ones that betray you, as well as the ones that you’d least expect. That’s what my life has taught me.

I learned at a very young age that you can’t trust anyone. Anyone other than yourself and God, that is. Not even your own parents, your own family, your own spouse, your neighbours, your friends, your co-workers, your aquaintances, strangers, and certainly not the authorities;let’s face it, most people can’t be trusted, and they’re probably going to deceieve you, lie to you, use you, trick you, frame you, set you up, twist things around onto you, betray you, cheat you, steal from you, report you, etc. in one way or the other and can’t be trusted and it’s usually not the enemy that you’d most likely expect,either, but the closest friend, the spouse, the traitor in the family, the one that you trusted with your life, the one you loved like a brother.You’d expect it from an enemy but the worst damage and betrayal comes from someone you loved and trusted.

They are the ones that will most likely betray you.The ones that are closest to you, that have the most access to you, the most confidential information, know your daily routine, your weaknesses, and that you think would most have your back, your best interests, care about you, could be trusted, would be “safe”, were loyal and had honour, were your friends, loved you, looked out for you, watched out for you, etc. Look at Jesus and Judas. He was one of His closest friends and one of His Apostles. Talk about betrayal. Look at Caesar and Brutus; he was his best friend.

It’s always the ones closest to you and the ones that you least expect.They are the ones that will cheat on you, betray you, sell you out, poison you, murder you, abuse you, turn you over, turn you in, set you up, frame you, turn their backs on you, be two-faced to you, talk behind your back, plot behind you, incarcerate you, commit you, assassinate you, report you, etc. I wasn’t all that surprised in The Blacklist that someone the closest to him was most likely the one who poisoned Reddington in an attempt to kill him. It usually is, and that’s what makes the betrayal all the more worse and the hurt all the more painful.