I saw a death notice for the step-mother of a guy from our old church in the paper the other day and it made me think about my own obituary one day and what it might say, and what I’d want it to say. Knowing my family it would probably say something mean.I’d want it to announce the cause of my death because I know when I read the death notices I always wonder how they died so this way everybody would know, and it would say the usual things, of course, such as my age, and mention my hubby and my kids, and I would like it to mention that my family and my faith were important to me, and that I enjoyed travelling, and in memorium instead of flowers for donations to be made to the Turgwe Hippo Trust, although I still do want my 2 fave. flowers, lilacs and sunflowers.I guess that’s it; I don’t really know what else there is to say; I’m not a very interesting person and I have a pretty boring life and haven’t really done much or accomplished anything. It’s kind of sad,really. Not only is my life depressing, so will my death notice be,too.
We had a huge snowstorm yesterday,too, it snowed all day, we must have got at least 30 cm and with the blizzard there were only 35 people at church( yes, I still went to church in a blizzard, the only reason I won’t go is if I’m really sick, like if I have the Flu or if I just had surgery) and for Valentine’s Day they had married couples re-new their vows at the end of Mass,too, and I didn’t have to do it as I was there alone but it made me feel uncomfortable and awkward seeing all the other happy couples as it was a stinging reminder of the loving, happy marriage that I don’t have, and probably never will ,and I wouldn’t want to re-new it, and,in fact, regret even doing it the first time!
The 13 YR old also said they (the kids) “hate Jesus” because I “forced it on them” (going to church, with religion) but I raised them in it, there’s a difference, and being right with God and their eternal salvation matters and is important! I also didn’t want to neglect their religious upbringing like mine was when I was growing up. They also go to the morning Mass and I go to the evening one as it’s less of a rush and they always complain and wait last minute to get dressed and go out the door literally 2 minutes before it starts and it’s always such a stress and I wonder if they even really actually go, or if they just hang out at Tim Horton’s or someplace for the HR and wait there and just say they go to church(like one of my friends used to do when we were kids; she’d tell her mother she went to church but really she’d come over and hang out at my house) and then come back? The way the 13 and 15 YR olds(and sometimes the 17 YR old joins them,too) treat me also remind me of those “girl gangs” in school of mean girls that think it’s “cool” to be mean to me and bully me, and it feels like I’m almost re-living Jr. High all over again and it just breaks my heart the way they treat me.I used to think that at least having my own kids I could make my own people that would love me but even they don’t and ended up hating me,too.
Patti also always brags on Facebook and in real life about what a “perfect” mother she is, perfect little housewife she is, how immaculately clean her house is, how perfect her kids are etc. and it really grates on my nerves and gets really annoying! She’s just such a show-off and braggart, and she’s always critical of everyone else,too, and how they don’t measure up to her high standards and it’s getting really tiresome.It makes me feel even worse than I already do too about what a failure I am, having kids that hate me and that are so disobedient and disrespectful and that have turned away from God and towards the world, esp. when I tried so hard to raise them godly. If only she knew. I’d be so embarrassed.