Just last week it was impressed on my heart that A storm will be coming, but God will not abandon you.He will be with you like always and you will get thru it. At the time it made me a bit nervous, thinking it must be warning that something bad was going to happen soon but then soon forgot all about it.
Until last night.
Last night the 13 YR old had fainted, so went to the ER and much to our surprise we found out for-get this- the past few years– she’s been anorexic and bulimic and the self-harming is back again,too! They ran tests incl. bloodwork to check her potassium and electrolyte levels and kidney and liver function,and took a urine sample, monitored her BP, and did a EKG,and thankfully everything was ok but needless to say we were beyond devastated. She got a referral to get in right away to see a pediatric psychiatrist in the city. Referrals usually take months but this is serious and some things just can’t wait so they’re able to get her seen right away.A small blessing. Acyually, a huge one!
This just breaks my heart. I know it will be a long, hard journey as eating disorders , like depression, tend to be life-long and hard to treat, but I’m hoping that will therapy, counselling, and medication that she can at least be stabilized and feel better and yet also I know that God will see us thru this crisis and uphold and strengthen us just like He has for all of our many numerous other ones we’ve had to endure, but right now I’m just so spent. I just really broke, and I broke hard. This is very distressing, hit us unexpected out of nowhere, and I’m having a hard time processing it. I’m just still trying to function on a few HRS sleep and with a stress level so high my ulcer pain is back again, and I feel cold and sick with anxiety, worry,and fear, just numb and devastated that I almost passed out!.
It hurts me that she’s hurting so much,and also that we never noticed a thing and never saw anything( so then weren’t aware and able to help her) but they did say that get very “good at hiding” and “sneaky” so that no one can tell, and why DO we have so much shit in our family, so many trials, tragedies, struggles, so much mental illness…why are we always so f*cked up? I feel guilty too because there are alot of nuts on my family tree , and it appears depression ,anxiety,and bipolar have some genetic component .I really don’t know how much more of this I can take. I am on the brink, but, like swimming or surfing in the ocean, just take it one wave at a time, and like The Beatles said, All things must pass.
No matter what the trial I always have the comfort of knowing that God either takes you out of it, or helps you thru it.