Yesterday the 13 YR old saw the child psychiatrist and had her assessment for her bulimia and self-harm( cutting.) The doctor talked to her, my hubby,and I all together at first and then to her alone, and then to all of us again. We also filled out some information forms. She asked mainly about mental health history in our family, on both sides, concentrating most on immediate family members.She decided the best course of action for treatment is to go to the eating disorder clinic once a week, at least initially until she’s stabilized, both her and my hubby and I as she said treatment involves working together as a family and they have an entire team that works together incl. a nutritionist, a doctor, a social worker, a behaviour modification specialist, etc. She will also be keeping a food journal and learning more appropriate strategies to cope with anxiety and will receive counselling and perhaps medication, to treat depression, anxiety, OCD, etc.and to identify “triggers.”
The only problem is that it’s an HR drive each way and my hubby will have to take the time off work one day a week which will be difficult, and it’s too bad that there isn’t an eating disorder treatment closer to here, but sadly the mental health treatments for kids in this area is pretty much non-existant. I just hope that they actually can help her, and I’m still so stressed out and worried about the whole crisis that I’m still not sleeping,and now I’m hardly eating much,either, my appetite is gone with the stress,and I feel sick and faint with all the anxiety.I’m a wreck.
After the app’t we also went to the mall so she could get the new Zelda game she’s been waiting 5 years for and we looked around, and I tried on free make-up at Sephora and I went to the nail salon and got my nails done again, a French manicure like before as this Lent I decided the bad habit I’m trying to give up is biting my nails and the only way I’ve ever been successful at doing that is when I had my nails done before,and it lasted for 5 weeks, plus I’m under so much stress right now I really needed to pamper and treat myself, plus it’s something I can do to make myself feel “pretty”; I know I’ll never be thin again or ever be pretty, but I can at least have nice nails, and a nice suntan in the summer.
My hubby and the 13 YR old didn’t want me to get my nails done though as they didn’t want to wait and hang around the mall waiting for me; they wanted to go right home, but excuuuussse meeeee! I hardly ever get to go out, and I wanted to do stuff at the mall,too, and they have to think about other people sometimes! It’s just so typical though, of how anything for me is always such a burden, inconvenient, dismissed, unimportant, a bother, not a priority, etc. and my hubby even threatened to leave me there, and it’s an HR away! I’d have no way to get back home! It really hurts the way they treat me and devalue,and my family makes me feel so unlovable and worthless and it’s an awful feeling and not something anyone should be made to feel. With my life and traumas and in my brokenness I have also lost the ability to be the person I was. I have essentially been stripped of me.
The 17 YR old also had a friend over, and she made this funny loud barking coughing sound that sounded like a walrus and I just cracked up because I used to make that exact same sound myself when I was younger! In fact, I was even nick-named The Walrus! For some reason though ever since I got pregnant with my first child and ever since then I’ve lost my ability to be able to do it, but it was the funniest thing,and now to hear someone else do my Walrus again all these YRS later was hilarious,and, just like when I would entertain everyone with my Walrus, they were cracking up laughing hearing it as well just like my friends always did.