First Session.

Screen Shot 03-22-17 at 08.00 AM 001 The 13 YR old had her first session at the eating disorders clinic. The last time was just an assessment. My hubby and I go too as therapy is a family involvement thing with both her and the parents. The app’t was long, 2 1/2 HRS and it’s going to be like that all the time, every week! We go weekly for roughly 10 weeks,and then tapered off to every 2 weeks, and then monthly,and it could be for a YR, 18 months, or even longer, and may be delayed if she has to be hospitalized, tube-fed, or whatever. There are 5 specialists on the team that will be working with us, incl. a nurse-practitioner, nutritionist, social worker, behaviour therapist,and someone else I forgot.

They each talked to us and she got a physical exam and got her vitals checked and will at each session, and they noticed she has more cuts of self-injury,too, and now also on her legs and belly now,too as well as on her arms, so it’s escalating. They explained the seriousness of it saying that of all the mental illnesses, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate and we have to work with her and monitor and supervise her, not only to make sure that she eats but that she isn’t throwing it up and isn’t self-harming. We also have to hide all the razors, laxatives and all other medications,and she’s to keep a strict and regimented meal schedule and document a food diary each day of her intake. They noticed her lack of hygeine as well, body odour, unwashed greasy hair,grungy teeth, which I have struggled forever to try to get her to have a shower, wash her hair, etc. but she’s apathetic and just doesn’t care, they said now I have to do it for it since she’s not able to take care of herself anymore; I have to take over bathing her, washing her hair, brushing her teeth….it’s like she’s a baby all over again!

They also said it’s only a 50% cure-rate and when they asked her what she wants her ideal weight to be she said 60-70 pounds! I just lost it and cried, and gasped, You’d be dead! and they agreed with me and it just broke my heart. Even the almost-10 YR old weighs more than that and she’s like 5 1/2 feet tall and should weigh over 100 pounds! I just thought all along with her being so sullen, moody,pushing me away, and withdrawn that it was just the usual teen angst; I never knew she was struggling like this and starving and hurting herself. At least they’d know by looking at me with my big fat hippo ass that she didn’t get her eating disorder from me; it’s very obvious that I don’t starve myself, and my hubby made a deal with her once she eats properly, gains weight, gets to the proper weight and health and stops hurting herself he’ll get her the rose-gold Mac Book computer she wants as a “reward”, and it’ll also act as a motivation to get well and a goal to strive for.

As well, in the morning as I was trying to clean my toothbrush there was no water pressure and then no water at all and I wonder if the cold ( wind-chill of -20C) froze our pipes or they burst or something but then later heard on the radio a water main pipe in town had broken and that was why and it affected the entire town, not just us, which was a relief as we can’t afford the expense of a plumber, but now the water’s back but they say the water’s all contaminated and it won’t be fixed for 2 more days, but we don’t drink disgusting tap water anyway; you might as well drink out of the toilet; it all comes from the same place: the sewer!

The 17 YR old got rejected from yet another school ( the third so far) she applied to as well, their excuse was because her homeschool curriculum is American, which is a load of shit because they do accept international students, incl. American ones, who don’t have the same educational system or credits as here,and it seems now there’s starting to be a discrimination and crackdown on homeschoolers as the older kids never had any problems getting admitted into universities….now I’m starting to get worried; what if no one accepts her? I know when one door closes, another opens….but what if she’s like me in my life and no door opens and every door is always closed?

My hubby also made a snide remark when I mentioned about how I’m looking forward to  Heaven,” Like you’re going to get to Heaven!”  and it crushed me. My faith and relationship with God is the most important thing in my life and to have it questioned, attacked, and doubted like that was very hurtful. So, what, does he think that because I use weed I won’t get to Heaven? God happened to make the cannabis plant, so it must be for our use, I think for medicine, so it wouldn’t be a sin to use something He created. It’s just a plant,and besides, there are alot worse things that I could do,and I still have a strong faith and I love God and I care about and pray for people…..in any case, that’s between me and God and it’s up to God to judge,and what can he say,anyway? He doesn’t even go to church,and he mocks religion and scoffs at God…who is he to judge?