Screen Shot 03-22-17 at 08.00 AM The 9 YR old( who turns 10 tomorrow) and I have this ongoing joke when he does his math for his school work: we call his brain Brian( I got the idea from dumb kids in school that would spell Brian as “brain” and from this Pinky and the Brain episode where Brain went on this game show and they spelled his name as Brian) and we joke, It’s time to torture Brian now! or on weekends, holidays,and during the summer, Brian has a day off. It’s funny and he seems to get such a kick out of it. I also got this what I assume must be a spider bite on my finger and it was really itchy and swelled up really bad and went all red and then even white from the pressure of getting so big and swollen and it started to spread so I took a Benadryl for the allergy and it worked but it also knocked me right out and I had to have a nap! That stuff always makes me sooooo tired!

I’m not sleeping well lately either I’m under so much stress and have so much anxiety and worry, particularly about the 13 YR old and her eating disorder, and last night, for example, is a typical night: I lay awake in bed for 2-3 HRS before I can fall asleep and then I sleep for about 3 HRS and then I wake up again and stay awake for 1-2 HRS and go back to sleep and then keep waking up, and I always feel like I’m going to faint and my stomach feels so raw and nauseated, I don’t know if it’s from constant stress exhaustion, or being sleep-deprived, or due to some medical cause, or maybe even a combination? I always feel like shit.

As for the 13 YR old, when she was out I did a “sweep” of her room, looking for anything sharp that she can use to cut herself, so I can remove it, and I found a screwdriver, 2 pairs of scissors, a nailclipper with a sharp file on it….and big sharp jagged chunks of broken glass and some kind of big metal sharp needle thing I have no idea what it is, perhaps for some sort of needlepoint craft or something,and also found several tissues soaked with blood,which broke my heart, so I removed them, and it’s hard trying to get her to eat,too( they call re-feed) and sometimes she just won’t, she just closes her mouth and refuses, saying that she can’t,and that it’s “not that easy”, and my mother said to take away her iPod every time she refuses to eat but I won’t because she’s sick; it’s a disease and she can’t help it (that’s why she needs us to help her, because she can’t do it on her own) it would be like punishing someone who has cancer!  The 15 YR old complained too about us having to constantly supervise her to make sure she’s not barfing up her food or hurting herself and said she should just be responsible herself, except they told us at the clinic that it’s up to us; that we have to monitor her constantly because she can’t be trusted and we have to keep her safe from herself.

Screen Shot 03-23-17 at 04.40 PM I also love this painting Sunlight and Shadow, painted in 1888 by Willard Metcalf. I still haven’t gotten my EEG results yet; no one has called me, and it’s been over a WK and they said I should have heard back in about 5 days, so I wonder if it was so complicated, so bizarre, that it’s taking them longer to try and interpret it and figure it out, or maybe everything’s ok and they were only going to call if they found something? Our vending machines aren’t doing so well either; out of 15 we were only able to place 4 of them so far,and that was even with hiring out recruiters to scout out and find locations for us, so it looks like yet another one of my hubby’s hare-brained ideas that was supposed to make $$$$ but instead ended up costing $$$$$, and another thing NOT to do when high on weed: trying to type in your computer password, esp. when it’s in another language and you forget how to properly spell it. It becomes such a monumental task and you only get a few tries, and when your mind is all muddled and your thinking is cloudy and you’re out of focus it becomes quite impossible…..  😀