My Pain.

Screen Shot 03-27-17 at 08.32 AM 001 I was woken up at 5 am with gripping severe stomach pain I was curled up into a ball and clenching my pillow and I felt like I was going to barf with the pain. Now you have to understand that I only get the urge to barf with the most severe pain, such as in labour, a migraine, and surgery recovery. That’s how bad this pain was. I would grade it a 7/10 in severity on the pain scale. My gallbladder pain 5 YRS ago would be a 6 in comparison and surgery would be a 9, migraines a 10, and labour a 12. It lasted for 90 minutes and I even had to do my controlled breathing to manage the pain like I did in labour and my arms were shaking and trembling. I seriously thought I would have to go to the ER but it was so early and I didn’t want to wake anybody up or have to sit there in the waiting room for hours when in all truth I couldn’t even really sit, the pain was so bad; all I wanted to do was just lay down and curl up so I decided to just wait it out…..

Fortunately the pain did subside at 6:30 am , whatever it was, and I was suspicious of my appendix, given that I couldn’t specifically pin-point a direct location; the pain was generalized; it was everywhere , the entire belly area, both the stomach and the abdomen, it had spread all over and I have had a dull, nagging, dragging pain in my lower right side of my back forever and often in my lower right abdomen,too,, so it might be my kidneys, or my appendix, esp. as I also feel really gassy and like I have to do a shit…..except I don’t, which are classic with rupturing appendix, and I also had chills and just feel constipated and “full” all day even though I’m not…I would assume if it was though the pain would increase over time and get worse and not let up, so I’ll just and see and keep an eye on it. Afterall, it’s not like it’s something that would go unnoticed…. and if it is anything significant it will get worse, not better.

My arms and legs are incredibly itchy as well and I have these red scratches and purple/red “dots” and blotches where I’ve scratched it raw….just like I remember how it was before, 10 YRS ago, when I had my liver failure with my Cholestasis, so perhaps it’s maybe even my liver again, or some kind of tumour somewhere; a stomach or abdomenal cancer somewhere, or maybe just my stomach ulcer back again like I had 1-2 YRS ago, although the pain feels different( with the ulcer it felt like getting kicked in the stomach by a horse, which I actually have, so I know the feeling) and the ulcer the pain was clearly localized in the area above my belly-button….

As well, I heard Stairway To Heaven again, so now that’s 5 days in a row. Remember that prayer to God where I asked for a sign if I’m going to die soon that I hear it 3 days in a row,and I did…and now it still keeps on daily ever since…after I had my weed I also fell asleep on the couch and Buddy stood guard protectively over me the entire time, not even leaving to mooch food off people when they were eating like he always does, but stayed by my side the whole time, keeping watch, my loyal little companion. He loves me!! ♥  The 10 YR old also asked me, How come you have a ‘ special voice’ for Buddy? I didn’t even knowdid! I guess he means like who’s a good boy? Who’s my sweet little baby? Where is Budster? I suspect it must be the same voice I had for the kids when they were babies. 😀

The 22 YR old also won a silver and a bronze medal at his jiu-jitsu tournament over the weekend and I mixed it up; the 15 YR old doesn’t have her cheerleading competition until next weekend,  and my mother’s getting away alone to a motel for a weekend as well; she says she’s stressed-out and needs a break and needs some “me-time” and needs to get away but can’t afford a vacation and says I have my weed to escape but she has nothing and I guess when my hubby and I stayed overnight at the motel last week it gave her the idea and she got jealous and wanted to do it,too. I just hope she’s not planning on committing suicide or something while she’s there (swallow her pills while she’s there all alone,and so we won’t have to be the ones who find her) as that would just devastate the 10 YR old because he’s like her little pet; he’s like her coddled little lap-dog and she over-indulges, spoils , pampers, excuses, and coddles him and with her gone he would be lost.