Another Appointment.

Screen Shot 03-28-17 at 06.52 PM The 13 YR old, my hubby and I had another session at the eating disorders clinic, our weekly ritual now. In time it will just become a part of our regular routine, just like how it was when our now 19 YR old had leukemia when he was 7 and we had to make weekly trips for his chemo; you just sort of integrate the treatments into your life and it just sort of becomes a part of your routine.We’re lucky my hubby works from home though and is flexible,and I’m home with the kids anyway, and our homeschooling is flexible,too, but I really can’t see how 2 working parents with regular office hours could manage to get that much time off work once a week for months, esp. with each app’t lasting 2 -21/2 HRS and the clinic is over an HR away; I don’t think they’d be able to get all that time off so often, not without getting fired, anyway!

Despite a good week of getting her to eat more, she’s still lost weight, when we were hoping she would have at least gained something,making me wonder if she is still somehow sneaking off to barf it up, although they said it is normal this early though as she’s so undernourished it takes awhile to start gaining and to get up to a normal weight and then to start gaining more weight and the behaviour specialist talked to her today while we talked to the social worker and the nutritionist went over her food intake for the past week and our “homework” for this week is to continue to increase her food portions and varities of food and to add calories by adding sauces, dips, etc. and “sneaking” milk into soups, for example, and to not let her pick at, squeeze, or play with her food as it’s part of her rigid thinking that contributes to her eating disorder and the hold that it has over her that we have to try and break.

I also feel badly and guilty too wondering if I’m somehow to blame since I’ve been on so many diets myself to lose weight ever since I was a teen, and maybe now I’m fat she doesn’t want to end up looking like me (and on my side of the family everyone gets fat once they reach their 40’s, even if they were thin before, like me; it’s genetic) or maybe even from my hubby, who’s OCD and very picky about eating and has to force himself to eat, even though I’ve always told the kids growing up that people come in all different shapes and sizes; tall, short, thin, fat, and have always reassured them that they don’t have to worry about their weight and that the media and fashion world puts a high and unrealistic expectation of beauty on women and even the models don’t really even look like that; even they’re  Photoshopped!

The social worker also said she loved my orange Converse high-tops and the 13 YR old’s Roots hoodie and said we are a “funky, fashionable family” and I told her “we all have our own individual style” and my hubby mentioned how he and the 13 YR old and all the kids go to Fan Expo (which is like Comic-Con) every YR and I made it clear that I don’t, because I don’t want them to get the wrong impression and think I’m a nerd! 😀 I need to have my nails filled-in as well now it’s been a month and I get it done at the salon in Kingston and wanted to get it done after the app’t since we were already there but my hubby didn’t care and said it’s not important and not happening and didn’t want to bother taking the time because it’s just something for me but I have to get them done soon before they grow out completely!

I heard Stairway To Heavenmore times as well, last night and today, once on the radio and once on my iPod, for a total of 6 days in a row now, as an answer to that prayer that I hear it 3 days in a row as a sign if I’m going to die soon,and before I had a revelation I’m going to die on the 29th,too( although not clear which 29th or what month) and I wonder if it will even be today sometime, esp. since Buddy’s been extra attentive, not leaving my side and whining, almost as if he can sense something’s not right. There’s also a mumps outbreak in Toronto; 64 cases, but that’s not so bad considering it’s a population of 2.5 million,and I had mumps when I was a kid and so did everyone else I knew, and in fact, back in the 70’s when I was growing up, I also had measles, German measles, and chicken-pox, too; it was just a part of childhood!

My mother also ordered me to help her get a show on the TV as she doesn’t know how to get it streamed from the computer to play on the TV….except she didn’t think to ask me just 5 minutes before, when I was already in the livingroom…..no…she decided to do it after, after I’d already left and was busy doing something else and then she got all snotty, snippy, huffy,and demanded that I just drop what I’m doing and do what she wants so I told her I was busy and she should have asked earlier and to get someone else to help her…..and she starts bitching at me, swearing, and just generally being nasty so I told her, well, if you’re going to be a bitch about it and act like that then I won’t help you the next time,either! and then she whines how she “hates having to depend on other people to always have to help her” and I told her “Or we could show you how so you could do it yourself…..” but she refused,claiming she’s “too old….” ok…..yeah, whatever….she’s her own worst enemy.