It’s funny when I look back to before I had kids to the goals and expectations I had for parenting and how I would raise my kids and how they’d behave and turn out to be VS the actual reality of how things really turned out, as they turned out to be very different! Like every hopeful, eager, and expectant parent, I planned on being the perfect mother and I would have good kids ( HA!)….and we all know how that turned out…. even when I was prego with my first I’d planned on a totally natural birth, no drugs….but that was before I knew how painful it actually was,and after 18 HRS of labour without medication I eventually gave in and got the epidural for the last 6 HRS, I was so desperate. So much for keeping my first goal!
I also swore that I would never yell at my kids ( ha,ha) and that they would be polite, cultured, well-behaved, and respectful ( ha,ha again) and that they would be godly and righteous ( again, ha,ha) and that they would be obedient and kind( ha,ha) and they would be good and nice people( and not assholes) (ha,ha) and that they would love me….so much for that, too…. and I also swore that, under no circumstances would I ever lick my finger and clean a dirt mark off a child’s face in a pinch like my mother did to me and I hated it…..ooops again….and I would never “bribe” a child with treats or toys in an effort to “negotiate”…nor would I ever mix up my kids and call them by the wrong names…or swear in front of them ( a big ha, ha on that one!) nor would I have a “favourite”, and on other rules I had earlier I “softened” and lessened over time and became much more flexible, “lax” and rigid, such as with the first baby his “plug” (pacifier) had to be boiled in boiling water and sterilized every time it fell to the floor before I’d let him have it back…..but by the second child I’d just run hers under the hot water tap….and by the third child and beyond I’d just rub it on my shirt, or if there didn’t appear to be any dirt, hairs, or other debris on it I’d just pop it back in without even wiping it off… As you can see, theory and actual practice are 2 completely different things and things don’t always turn out as expected!
As well, my hubby always calls me a pothead in a derogatory way even though I do have a legal medical prescription for it for my migraines but he always likes to use everything he can against me and twist it around to use it to put me down so in reply I said to him, “and you’re a dickhead and a shithead, so what’s your point?” I’m just so sick of all his shit and his abuse, and my mother couldn’t find the 100$ she’d had in an envelope on the table to deposit in the bank and she was convinced that someone stole it,too, but it turned out she had just put it in her budget book and forgot, just like how she lost the hydro bill,too,and it was found on the little table by the phone! She’s really losing it!
I also sat at the end of the 13 YR old’s bed as she didn’t feel well so I brought her breakfast up to her in bed, only I didn’t know her mattress was sticking out quite a bit at the end over the box spring and when I sat on it, it collapsed under my hippo weight and I went flying, and in doing so her chocolate soy milk that I was holding splattered all over my hair and all down my back (and all over her sheet) and it felt so creepy and gross,and now I hurt and am all sore on my right side,too! She was shocked and stood there with this stunned look on her face, trying to process what had just happened, but she was nice about it though and took my hand and helped me up which was nice; usually they’d just laugh at me.
It’s also May, which is always a bad luck month for our family,and we almost always have some sort of crisis or disaster in May, either some medical , financial, traumatic, or other major catastrophe in May( we had our fire in May, our dog die in May, our enemy come for us in May, a job loss in May,costly house repairs in May such as new furnace, etc.),and most of the people in our family that died have died in May as well ( I wonder if I’ll die this month,too? May of my 50th year….. at least if I do, I can have lilacs at my funeral as they’re in season this month!) and we always dread this month and are nervous all month and wait nervously to see what misfortune will befall us…