Cali.

Screen Shot 05-12-17 at 08.08 PM The 22 YR old’s in California now visiting his GF and staying with her and her family and will be gone for 2 months. I love California,too, and, in fact, went there 6 or so times myself as a teen before we finally moved there when I was 17 but we didn’t stay long because we kept getting mugged. Such is our luck. Just as he was finishing up packing and zipping up his suitcase on the way out the zipper broke so I had to let him borrow my luggage but I love that luggage; it’s so funky and I paid a fortune for it so he better take good care of it and make sure it doesn’t get lost, abused, or stolen! I remember the last trip I was on about 2 YRS ago the same thing happened to my suitcase too, only in the airport hotel so I had to  rush and take the hotel’s airport shuttle and buy a new one at the luggage shop at the airport and it cost me 200$!

The 22 YR old has a big itinerary planned out for him as well; he’ll be going to Beverly Hills, a Korn concert( and his GF’s dad is a music promoter,too, so maybe they’ll even get backstage passes?) camping at the beach, etc. This will be his third time in Cali; the second time visiting her and  once with our family. I’m sure he’ll have fun and it’s a little treat for me,too as without him here I won’t have to lock my computer for 2 months as he’s not here to sabotage it by putting Hitler stuff on it or occult things just to annoy me, and we don’t have to hide our food,either, for fear he’s going to take it….. 😀

With my hubby away I also got to finally order the kind of pizza that I like (that would be mushroom and green pepper) instead of always getting the kind he wants all the time, and I enjoyed it so much( it also happened to be my Weed Day, and having Pizza Day and Weed Day on the same day was one of the  best decisions I  ever made!) I ate the entire pizza! (not all at once, mind you, but throughout the entire day!  I also shaved my head into my weekly Buzz-cut and I noticed as well that you can tell my mental state by the length of my hair and, like Katy Perry said, my eyelashes are longer than my hair.

It’s also Mother’s Day today but I decided that no matter what my toxic family may try to say or do to insult, provoke, annoy, or goad me, I’m just going to try and ignore them, stay away from them, and not let them ruin it for me,and how’s this for a sign from God; a nudge? I just got this random e-mail(but addressed to me) from my travel agent saying, What can I do to help you? and stating that she doesn’t only book cruises, but all types of vacations……how about that? Just at the exact time I knowneed to desperately get away if I’m going to have any chance of survival and want to go to a beach resort in the Caribbean….ok, God, that was pretty obvious…..I know that was you! ♥

Speaking of Mother’s Day, with my limitations, such as my Asperger’s, bipolar, depression, etc. it made parenting even harder and more challenging for me than for others, even more of a struggle, but it was my dream, and I did mean well and have good intentions and I did try and did my best, and did the best I could with what I had to work with, but I know the kids hate, blame, and resent me for it, and that I probably wasn’t the mother that they would have liked,wanted, or deserved, but I also can’t help it and I’m also sorry that I “passed on” my crazy on to them and made their lives more difficult having to grow up with a crazy person, but I ‘ve always loved them and cared about them and only ever wanted what was best for them and tried to protect them. I am sorry for being me and even if they don’t see it, or choose not to see it, I do love them in my own way, even if my Asperger’s, bipolar, and depression got in the way or may have “clouded” things and I apologize.