The first thing I woke up to was hearing on the radio that one of the DJ’s 15 YR old son died in a tragic accident at a park, and then my toothbrush fell in the toilet.That’s how I started my day. I was also surprised to see that Bev’s (G.P) house had a sold sign on it…..already….she just died a little while ago and there was never any For Sale sign on it before…..wow…that was fast….and it got me thinking when I die, what I want, my last wishes, I want my family to carry out for me, and so here they are:
- I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered on the beach in the Caribbean where I was happy, and besides, no one will even bother to come visit my grave,anyway.
- Catholic funeral Mass.
- Sunflowers and lilacs at my funeral.
- Funeral songs: Ave Maria, Hallelujah,Amazing Grace, and Ride, Natty, Ride
- Take good care of Buddy.
- Continue homeschooling and going to church.
- Make sure the 10 YR old gets Confirmed when the time is right.
- Donate $$$$ to the Turgwe Hippo Trust
I also over-heard my hubby telling the 14 and 15 YR olds (I was wearing headphones listening to music in the car and he didn’t think I could hear him,and usually I can’t as the music is loud, but when the song is soft I can hear) that I’m probably slowly poisoning myself and setting everything up so that when they do the autopsy they’ll blame him and he’ll get charged with my murder!WTF? I’m not, and this only reinforces my suspicion that he really is trying to poison me and get away with it; that’s going to be his defense and his alibi! I just hope the bastard doesn’t get away with it……I can’t believe it! Holy shit!!
Here’s also my newest hippo: a hippo on wheels,and here he is on the road! I named him Wheely, Hot Wheels,. and Mr. Wheeler(I actually had a teacher in grade 5 named Mr. Wheeler) He’s just so cute I couldn’t resist. My mother also insisted that I said bedroom when I meant to say, thought I said, and was sure I said backyard, and I’ve been confused , foggy,and out of it for a week now, and I wonder as well if maybe my potassium might be low again from my diuretic like it was before, or some other medical cause, or it could just be due to the tremendous stress I’m under, and so much so my family mentioned about Patti visiting last week and I don’t even remember it at all, and I thought they were playing their usual mind-games with me and trying to trick me but I asked her and she confirmed it; she was over for a visit, but it was a Weed Day and also the day after I tried to kill myself so the opiates would have still been in my system and I must have been really out of it…..I can just vaguely recall what I thought was a dream that Patti was over and said something about a bus…..but that’s it…..I didn’t know it was real; it’s like waking in and out of anesthesia…God, I’m losing it….
The kids and my hubby also laugh at my faith and mock my relationship with God and the 14 and 15 YR olds make fun of me liking hippos and sunflowers too and jeer I’m “obsessed” with them and “have a ‘crush'” on them, etc. and always make fun of me just because I like something; apparantly I’m not even allowed to have any interests, or at least not without being made fun of yet whenever I say anything about the way they treat me or voice any displeasure, disapproval or mention it in any way the 15 YR old always accuses me of “causing drama”, so I can’t stand up for myself , defend myself, or explain myself, either. My family sucks.I’m so tired of all their shit.