Lilacs.

euScreen Shot 05-18-17 at 05.20 PM I got lilacs! They have always been a fave. flower( and I just love the smell!) ever since I was a kid and my Babushka and my cousins had lilac bushes. I’ve always preferred the purple ones but they also come in pink and white. I picked mine in a public area along a road so I’m not stealing off someone’s property, and this YR the best ones were on the side of the bush along where the ground slopes down, and it was really windy and I almost fell into the river plus I got lots of scratches on my arms and legs from the broken sharp branches, but I got lots of them and now the house smells so fragrant! My mother asked me if I needed scissors to cut them too and I was almost aghast; scissors are for amateurs! I am a seasoned, well-experienced lilac picker; I’ve been doing it ever since I was about 6 or 7 YRS old; I know precisely the right way to bend the branches back and then pull them off so they come off with a clean snap! I don’t need scissors! Snort.

As well, I was so worried about Buddy last night( that maybe it’s not just his arthritis, but rather something more serious, “masking” as that, being hidden, and that may even be fatal and that he’s dying from) so I didn’t sleep much last night as I kept getting up to check on him all during the night; worried I’d wake up and find him dead, but he seems a bit better today although he does still randomly yelp in pain(and the mean 10 YR old goes, Is he dying? I hope he dies!!), and it still does seem to be his bad hip, and we also had our first BBQ of the season with the long holiday weekend and all the hotdogs, buns,and corn on the cobs were all sold out everywhere so we had to go to all the grocery stores in town to find everything that we needed but we eventually got everything ok. I also had to take over BBQ’ing for a my hubby for a few minutes when he was hit with a sudden case of the shits and had to quickly run off, and the smoke hurts your eyes and when you breathe it in you cough so the solution to my problem? I put on my swim goggles. It worked.

I’m really excited for my trip as well (I’m actually a spy being “reactivated” and being sent on a mission, ha,ha) but it sort of scares me,too, as I fear with something good happening ( the trip) I fear that something bad also has to happen, as things have to be “balanced out”; if something good occurs then something bad also has to happen; if you’re given something then something also has to be taken away and it worries me that since God has given me this gift, this opportunity, this blessing, that I have to lose something or suffer some loss  in order to “compensate” for it and I fear that maybe it’ll be losing Buddy or something. I’ve always had strange thoughts like that whenever anything good ever happens…..

Speaking of Cuba, I don’t have a camera for my trip though, unless I just use the camera on my iPod to take photos( but it’ll suck up all of the battery power)  because we can’t find the battery charger ! I was just able the find the chargers for the old Nikon and Canon cameras (which we no longer have as they broke) but not the Fuji one that we need and apparantly they’re not all the same or standard and it doesn’t fit! Shit! Just my luck! My hubby also doesn’t see why I have to pay $$$$ and go away somewhere to go lay in the sun to relax when I do the exact same thing here laying in the sun for free(and the 14 YR old snapped all I do is lay on the couch and smoke weed….. actually I lay outside in the sun and smoke weed, too).but he doesn’t get it; it’s also to get away from here, from this, from them, and I he said as well that’s the reason he’s poisoning me as well; to get $$$$$ so we can move ( as my life insurance policy is for a quarter-of-a-million $$$$) then when I said, “They won’t pay if it’s murder, you know!” he smugly goes, Only if you get caught!” and I secretly hope that I die while I’m on my trip; just die there in Cuba and not come back, and at least I’ll die happy and I won’t die here…..

and all this will finally just be all over for good.

I left my body yesterday as well after weed, and found myself floating and quickly soaring along what looked like a combination of sea and sky, based on the colour and texture of it; I was soaring overheard and looking down and it was the colour of the sky and the ocean combined and had the texture of both waves and the “fluffy”-looking white clouds. It’s cool too how when I do “leave” my body that I can see in  all directions all around me too without even moving my head,and my line of sight/ vantage point is from the top of my head looking down. It really is quite an amazing experience.

Thought for the day: Ignore the haters and don’t let them break you.