I have abdomenal cramps now as well as The Shits, and due to my hair someone else thought I was a dude,too, and I can imagine people wondering about me, what my story is, the Mysterious Bald Lady, all alone, always keeping to myself, wearing my sunglasses, always looking down or away, never making eye contact, like a lone hippo separate from the herd, thinking, What’s her story? They probably think I’m coming off of a divorce, or I’m grieving or something, when really it’s recovery following another suicide attempt…I also saw Cuban bikers at the bar and at the tables in the bar(that’s where I have to go to get my drinks; my cola,lemonade, and orange, mango, pineapple,or pina colada slushies and drinks) they have artificial sunflowers in vases and it felt like it was a special “sign” just for me, and there’s this painting on the wall in my room too and at first I thought was of a captive on a slave ship and it made me sad but when I looked closer(when I put my reading glasses on) realized it was a fisherman on a fishing boat and I felt better.
The 17 YR old also had a birthday and so now she’s 18; an official adult, and I just love the Caribbean so much I belong here; I’m an Island Girl born in the wrong country, and I don’t know what the poor Cubans will think later once Americans will be allowed in; they’re easily the most loudest, most obnoxious tourists, and in all my travels I can always spot the Americans in the group! I also enjoyed my last sunset at the beach as well and there was a guy swimming naked! I had to look twice to make sure that I was really seeing what I thought I was seeing,and then I just laughed and looked away; too bad he wasn’t hot though( he was old) but I have seen lots of hot guys here; not that it matters though when every other woman’s thinner and prettier than I am; how can I ever possibly compete with that? Sometimes I really do wonder if maybe I really am just too ugly to deserve love and happiness?
It’s so beautiful here as well I can see how Hemingway was inspired to write 2 of his novels here, it’s a tropical paradise, and you can tell who’s just recently arrived,too, as they’re either pasty white or all sunburned red, or who’s been here awhile as they’re all nice and brown! Interesting I also noticed is that here I’m not run-down exhausted , wiped-out and drained like I always am at home, so is it perhaps because maybe I’m not being poisoned here, away from my family, or maybe it’s the sun and warm weather that lifts my spirits, or maybe just that I’m away from them and removed from that toxic environment that destroys me and kills my spirit, or maybe it’s just that I’m relaxed and stress-free and can unwind and in my Happy Place it’s just therapeutic and healing and I just generally feel better, have more energy, have higher spirits, and am just healthier here overall in mind, body,and spirit.