Square Peg.

Screen Shot 06-10-17 at 07.11 PM I have always been a square peg and the world is full of round holes so I don’t fit. I am that unique individual that doesn’t belong, that’s different, that doesn’t fit in, that sticks out, that isn’t like the others, that stands alone, that doesn’t fit the mold, that’s unusual, and I’ve always been like that my whole life. In school, as a kid, growing up, as an adult, even in my own family. I think alot of it has to do with my Asperger’s and how it affects me socially and how I inter-act with other people, how I relate to others, how I interpret things, how I think and process everything, how I relate to the world around me, my perspective, etc. as I know I don’t think, react, respond, or understand things the same way that everyone else does and that makes me stand out, it makes me different and unable to fit in. The only place I ever really felt I belonged or fit in, and was able to blossom and come out of my shell was at the YMCA group in my early 20’s where I met all my friends( and my hubby) in Ottawa, but that was likely because all of us were the same; we were all dealing with some sort of mental, emotional,developmental, psychological, or social issue so we could relate to eachother and had shared experiences.

Even in my own family I’m different than the others; it’s almost as if I was plucked out of my real rightful family and placed here among strangers as we have nothing in common and all different interests, for instance, my hubby and the kids all like anime, cosplay, super heroes, Sci-Fi shows( such as Dr. Who), playing board games, bowling, etc. and I have absolutely no interest in these things so we don’t share any common interests or share the same hobbies, and, in fact, the only thing that would even indicate that we’re related is that the kids have either inherited, or I have instilled in them, my love of travel. Of all the hopes and dreams I had for my future when I was younger too only one of them actually turned out the way I hoped: I did get to travel like I always wanted(I’ve been to 36 countries so far…). It’s hard though living in a house with people you just don’t belong with, you can’t relate to, you have nothing in common with, you don’t share any interests with; it’s like I was put in the wrong family. It’s just not a good “fit.” It’s like I’m living with room-mates and not family and it’s difficult as well being in a place that you just don’t belong and where you don’t have any support or understanding or sense of belonging.

As well, I think the gross thing on my foot might be finally starting to get a bit better as I notcied now it has a thin clear shiny layer of what looks like a layer of skin starting to grow over the top and it’s not red all around it anymore now,either, although it still does hurt quite a bit, but maybe it’s just taking time to heal, and I do actually have a quite a few cuts and bruises that are taking quite a long time to heal up I’ve noticed as well, so my immune system’s probably just not that great, and now I’m starting to feel nauseous and I’m really tired,too; I always am tired but now even more so than usual and I feel like I have to go and take a nap right now or my body’s just going to shut down, and I’m really sweaty too but that could either be my hormones(starting menopause?) or just because it’s really hot out, close to 30C, with the humidex even hotter….or maybe even both?