Peonies.

Screen Shot 06-13-17 at 03.34 PM Here are some peonies from our garden! My mother didn’t want me to bring them in the house because they always have ants on them but we already have ants in the house anyway( ants in the summer, mice in the winter; it’s seasonal) and besides, I love peonies, and they remind me so much of my Babushka who had such a wonderful garden and would always cut me fresh flowers to take home. I also think I had another seizure during the night too as I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like someone was violently shaking the end of my bed but it ended up that it was me; it was my legs that were rigid, shaking, thumping, banging, and thrashing on the bed; my seizures are weird; they always start at the bottom( feet) and work their way up. I can’t be entirely sure, but I’m pretty sure that it was real and not a dream as it is imprinted as a very clear memory on my brain, but I also kept drifting in and out and I often have a hard time distinguishing if something really happened or if it was just a dream.

The other day driving back from the clinic I also saw something I love but haven;t seen in a long time: gladiolas! They were growing in someone’s garden and were a light pink/ white mix in colour, and I also got a phonecall from my doctor’s office; they want me to come in for a yearly BP check since I take meds for my high BP and said while I’m there I can also pick up a colon cancer screening kit and I’m to put a shit in a container for testing (I remember the vet doing this for my dogs testing for worms) and I either bring it back there or mail it off somewhere( can you imagine getting a turd, or even worse,diarrhrea, in the mail?) to be tested, and I wonder how  exactly I’m supposed to do it; I mean, do I scoop it out of the toilet with a spoon and then place it in the container….or do I somehow manage to actually shit into  the actual container, and how, exactly, am I expected to correctly aim without getting shit all over my hands……OMG…..I don’t know….I’ve never had to shit in a container before….

Funny as well: missionaries came by and the 18 YR old answered the door and she didn’t want to be mean to them but she didn’t want to be “recruited” either so she “sells” me out instead, telling them, My mother’s really religious! Maybe she’ll go to your church! and then she goes and takes a picture of Jesus off the wall and shows them and says, My mother really loves JesusIt was just soooo funny, and I felt really old yesterday,too: I was on the phone with a representative trying to activate an online account and he said he’ll “walk” me thru it as I remain on the phone but I said I’ll have to go try and let him know if it works and he was confused so I explained it( the computer) was in the other room (so he must have thought it was a laptop) and then he said to just bring the phone in with me and I said I can’t…..it’s attached to the wall! and there’s a moment of silence as he tries to process it and then he goes, Oh!

It was that moment. He was a young guy and he had just assumed that I had a cell phone that I could take around with me from room to room and that I had a laptop(and not a desktop) which is portable…..but no, I’m this middle-aged old woman who uses a desktop and still uses a land-line phone stuck to the wall…..I just felt so old at that moment, and so out of touch but it’s just that technology doesn’t like me  and it’s just so complicated and never works for me; I prefer the simple, less complicated things. I don’t like gadgets that are smarter than I am. I have such a hard time trying to figure out all this complex stuff and it makes my brain hurt.

My hubby is also a big fan of this Power of Positive Thinking crap to “cure” depression instead of medication but I just think it’s all a bunch of hooey; sometimes you need medication, and him saying to just cheer up, snap out of it, or think positive! mind over matter crap doesn’t work for depression; it’s like telling someone with cancer or diabetes to just Think Positive thoughts! and they’ll feel better, that being positive will cure them; they don’t need medication…..what a bunch of HORSE SHIT! He also likes to always scold me and berate me saying, You never listen! when in actual fact I do listen; I just don’t understand, and they’re entirely different  things. I don’t purposely do things wrong, mess up, not follow instructions, etc.. it’s just that with my Asperger’s I have trouble comprehending stuff, so I’ll listen and I’ll hear what you’re saying but I don’t always know what you mean, what you want, or what I’m supposed to do. I’m just stupid and I always do things wrong, and always need help with everything all the time, need to keep being re-told instructions, and nothing ever works for me and it just enrages my hubby who has zero tolerance for my stupidity or ineptitude.